Tag Archives: self love

His Ego Altered

His  Alter ego

Began, a ruse

Something to amuse

Gun Slanga

“What I want….I always get!”

I am that brother…

No Need for Another

The cutie’s, with big booties… bent over seductively,

There’s nothing I want I don’t get”

Sounds like what I have been told about you

The man behind the creation of the MC…

“No MC, just rappa”

A booty tappa

All said playfully

So much truth in  disguise

In the  freedom of autonomy

A joke is always so revealing

who are you really?…

Gun Slanga

Self congratulated big bootie banga

Proclaiming, you know what you want,,,

Killing the “black man stereotypes professionally,

The job, the house, the life

Yet emotionally … yet at this age “no wife”

Just jokingly leaving remnants of woman being

Sexually needed only

Your chosen  alter Ego,  the cliché

Lady tapping, rhyme rapping dream sold fantasy

Life imitates art

So what happened to your heart?

I hear versions of discourse

They paint love with distrust

Women with no affinity

Your admitted love crimes

Describing activities fit

For Gun Slanga

That rapping Playa

You use to masquerade

The taunting  voices, of

shameful choices

You have made concerning “she”

Your truth I see

the aspired role

The Winner, Ace in the hole

A life you visualize,

You don’t believe will materialize…

Seems you learned the hard way

playing the game will get you played


Drawn to who you appear to be

a harem of living pleasures you call treasures

They see…

Handsomely created, educated, God-fearing, grew up with a father  good to his mother

Don’t need another type of brother

Yet They receive,  MC

Your altered Ego

Jokingly you speak

Sadly, I hear


Vulnerability, a rap you  don’t want to spit

Can’t control it

Love… is God given

Like  free-falling,

no net

You get what you want.. the job, the house, the life

what’s left…?

I can see it hidden in this joking ruse

disguised, clichéd lyrical alter Ego Gun Slanga….

slanging your regret.

Stuck in her power, your rapping muse

The reason you use…

For not being ready

Gun Slanga

That brother no need for another you claim to be

Its amazing

The truth a joke  told

About the dreams you sold

Gun Slanga is what you call him

Even that holds nothing true

Not about you

Slanging Guns is bold,

No Fear in slanging a gun


It’s cold

How you run?

smoked by the past….

That was then, it didn’t last.

It may be time to stop rapping

Gun down,  the clip is empty

What you want, you may get..

You know those…

Cuties with big booties bent over

Easy to “hit”

Even easier to quit

When asked about family… your response said love is what you hope for

You want more….

Inhale God, Fill your lungs with faith

Exhale the doubt Let the wind carry fear away

You believe denying

Is how your surviving

Denial is killing  you

Cutting short the breaths you take

The beauty in the memories you make

Pain can conquer emotional possibilities

Those voices of “what if”  are ….New choices of love opportunities

So Gun Slanga, you the man dating my best  friend.. JOKES aside.. Seriously

.Don’t let Ego alter  You Permanently


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Filed under a rant of love, love, Uncategorized

Being Worth It

I am worth the most beautiful places of pain, worth the most felt places of perfect.

 I am worth it, and being worth it  is more than just one day, one decision.

It’s a string of decisions, a dozen of days.

I am fighting my inner desires based on my vision of me.

I live for moments to be more than just a heartbeat, more than just the skin and the bones that I am.

 I wanting what is being told to be inevitable.

I am wanting to be greater than my mistake, greater than the idea that life is no longer beautiful on the days that it’s beauty escapes me with unkind words, and tarnished hellos.

 Selfish portfolios of devilish pictures where I is the only subject and the background the scope of the land of thought is how to be better than the next rising star, how to be more than what is behind the focused visual image.

I want to be love in it’s kindest and most magnanimous forms but does it exist.

Does it even begin to thrive in the truth of our community.

I want to be the heartbeat of the movement, of the greater good, of the common truth.

I want to be here in these moments with my pen and leave behind the mistakes of my past the days that make me want to forget.

Yet is no more easy to forget than it is to rebuild.

I am not alone and I alone can’t change the world.

I let this become just a rambling of endless thoughts don’t make sense to anyone but me and I hope it touches the heart of someone who can feel the vibration, the soul, the writing in the ears of the pages of books already great.

I wish it be inspired, for being worth it

is not just today,

not just one decision,

it is tomorrow,


each moment,

each minute,

each hour

I choose to be worth itI choose to be worth it.

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Filed under a rant of love, change, destiny, Emotion

A Marriage of Us and the Denial of Me

So many days I look to the pictures in perfect position in the foyer of our imperfection

I see a dolled version of myself vowing me to a commitment annoited misunderstanding

I left the first love I knew, for a love that embodied us, yet continues to only produces conversations of you

If marriage is a combination of us, for a family of one, a unified front of the perspective of our desires

then why do I feel cold at the face of the fire

why does the blame reside in the the things only I seem to lack

So dutifully sitting at your side,

So many days with self blinded eyes,

I see ,consequence and denial, the place you reside

You have began to drain the emotion from the devotion I sacrificed myself to show

bleeding the energy of us

Your wounds, the distaste, disgrace

of your own face

the reflection of me, has now become the reaction of your self loathing

a designed negativity that was the obscene revealing that without me their is no you

when I left me to complete the void, that had been born and nurtured by your lack of conviction to the institution of self

I was born of love, nurtured in eyes of imperfect love that so perfectly molded my definition of what it is to love so

confidently, no Oedipus Rex at the edge of demands, no hand to add fear to commands

Seemingly have grown in reverse. Have settled for a passion of the flesh

instead of a yoke equally provoked by connection

if I would have taken the time to inspect the point at which we intersected I would  have looked to the calls of God

How he warned me that no should be the response

I am at the helm of firey pits of neglect. I no longer want to be penetrated by my own knife. Lacerating my needs to

treat the wounds of your denial. Let me go. with love and for once look to my heart and see the stains of the blood you

drawn with your hate, the shots from the pistols of you insinuation.

The pregnant silences of love that were never the corner stone of this union have

now become the bitter taste of pity on my lips, the quiet resentment that was adopted when the children of love could not be labored from a bond of unity

we have never been a we, merely the result of you plus the idea of woman that you cast with the likes of me

for I seem to be the stranger that is in this house, foreign to my eyes, the image that stares back seems to be a clone, a stepford wife dolled and designed as wife

I earned and shall one day have the title of queen. the equality of a real man, adorned in his sincerity, wrapped in his physical masculinity

my friends have become memories, my memories just headstones in the grave yard of my past freedom to be me.

I will not die in the welding grasp of your arms

lose my favor in the pursuit of your religious doctrine of control.

My spirit is calling out to me

asking me to once again find the motivation, the fight, the moxy of my intelligence.

You killed the endless definitive gestures of my individuality,

it’s at this moment that I stared to you knelling, bowing, praising your Frankeinstein

Upon that lifted stand, idolized was a spitting image of my earthly dwelling. She so much as I use to see, wearing my face, my clothes, yet empty

a soulless lost entity…

you have stolen the light from me

standing outside my grasp

I want to go home to the face that got me here.

want to find the woman that would have never been enslaved by the need of a man’s embrace, to build a home without love, the woman who loved before and quietly just wanted to be someone that could be the mother who cared.

The bound copy of me sits somewhere in the library of this life and I want to dust the jakcet with a bare and unburdened left hand.

want to silently anull my thoughts and divorce my decision to stop breathing for me.

Born from the rib of humanity… the hu man love that is a miracle to this soil.

the inspiration of love, lives in the woman I was, not the woman I have become today.

Shame burns my flesh, and disdain causes the endless storms of rain to cascade to the cleft of my change

How did I allow this marriage of us to be the denial of me

When did l lose the case and instead accept the deal drawn to the defense of you.

release my pain, slay the demons of your heart, so that I may see me.

If love lived here in this home, you would see the sombering dull light in my eyes

you would ask, instead of repeat me, you would understand when I say, ” I must do this for me”

You would  embrace the love that lead me here,

you would see that same love that is just now a disquise for the fear

that blinds the road of light that leads down a path that enables me to leave

to once again believe in the power that started with me.

How could you love me when I have fallen out of love with the woman you claim

to love. She is no longer there or did you never love who lived inside of the shell.

The brown eyes that melt you

the vivacious storm that pulsates with the rhythmn of beat, and walks on small romantic feet

the woman you once labeled more beautiful than sweet

If I could track down the beginning… the day we meet, the first time the words of sincere emotion left full lips

the first time I allowed those large hands to grasp my hips

If I could restore us from that time, I would

Back to the future when our past was not tainted by false revelation

this destination has been met,

this end has already begun.

It began the day you admitted the application you submitted for husband was do to insecurity

The denial of another, being the man

that held my hand

the faces of my past began to appear in the way of my present

when the discernment of my friends

calculated the bankrupt divends of your intentions

The woman I was, loved you then

I was never a prize to win

I was more than the equvocation

of your validation

Now I whimper in pain

and shake in the cold of your eyes

when the answers

don’t match your key

when I continue to fail

the class of your perfection

you have created the person you loathe

with a voice that mimics mine

your self loathing transformed

the contract of our union

the will and testament of a love,

just a sacrifice of a conquered soul

Still with me at your side you don’t feel whole.

Did the torture of my Character, the assasination of my faith

the theft of my belief

Did it fulfill the terms of your agreement for the love of you,

that you could not seem to find.

Did my supply meet your demand?

The shackles of your self motivated promises have been broken and abandoned by the renewed faith in me.

This journey to the core of my existence was difficult with the awkward process of growing

Yet the benefit of that learning to love the flaws in my perfection

was the shield, the armor, the cannons of fire that allows me to once again defeat those who trepass against me

Even those cloaked in love of the wolfs closet.

This sheep is apart of a flock never left unattended, the path back to the kingdom of my worth

Is lit with the love of myself and I am prodigal no more, this marriage of us, did not and will not kill me

I don’t need you to release me

the moment the choice was me

I was free…

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Filed under The World, Written Emotion