Tag Archives: honesty

The Spirits in a Bottle

Alcohol, liquor, spirits, drinking is a truth serum. Suddenly things your mind wouldn’t so free release bubbles at the tips of tongue. Liquid courage I have heard it called it called. The emotions kept at bay stifled behind pain, hidden with words unspoken. As the sips become gulps all burning away that wall to emotions […]

https://nyawritingdefiningduality.wordpress.com/2014/07/20/the-spirits-in-a-bottle/

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The Crackhead Cig Report… The 2nd Report

So I have began to fall back on the inhale and exhale of the nicotine silent killer… The new commercial featuring the removal of teeth plays in my head… And then I realized… The more time I talk on the phone… The more the drags extend themselves…. The more I talk on the phone the more the desire to suspend my lungs at death expectancy sooner calls to me…. So I amended behaviors… Indoors, movies, a book something else and now my pack a day I had stepped up yo has been reduced to the impressive number of a pack per five days… The glee in my heArt is profound… Screw you nicotine… I will kick you yet. A girl is human dome days are harder then others…. But I’m making strides.. Oh cigs… We gotta break up… I just don’t want this type of love in my life… You stink… And well u just don’t do the things you use to do.. I mean.. You don’t Dorothea my tattered thoughts… You make me see toothless men, you remind me of dirty days and broken highways…. In the height of morning we may meet… Or after a delicious meal… But doing the meals will be less and then you will be a distant memory… I really just font think I want you anymore!!!

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Filed under a rant of love, evolution, life, motivation, opportunity, Uncategorized

The Spirits in a Bottle

Alcohol, liquor, spirits, drinking is a truth serum. Suddenly things your mind wouldn’t so free release bubbles at the tips of tongue. Liquid courage I have heard it called it called. The emotions kept at bay stifled behind pain, hidden with words unspoken.
As the sips become gulps all burning away that wall to emotions laced in resentment I watch you become another person. It hurts to know what I already did. I close my eyes and I seek God to protect me from the attacks of days gone, of mistakes once again you revisit. My tears become the forgiveness I fight daily to maintain but it hurts… it buries what I want to build. Want to snatch the drink from your hands, want to take your words… dilute them with love blend them with sweet coffee beans add sugar… have them settle into your belly warm you so you can really digest a truth of the present and I have done many things, yet at this point change became my intoxicant, my drink. My hit.
I had to and n i w here I am another day… another drunk tirade of faithless abandon and words that scare me to my core. The truth is cold pushing me to the land of the lepers. A sickness has become the door that opens to find myself the victim of your selflessness. The more glasses you feel the more you vomit these moments that have caused me these crippling experiences…. bring me back to days… I work daily to never repeat. Change is hard. I want to wrap my arms around myself. But I won’t, instead I say in the tone I can best muster, edge it’s ring. Don’t talk to me like that. I don’t deserve that… then a bomb hits my ocean. An massive waves draws sobs from the part f me only God can touch and I met honesty pour from my list. Its not for me… I have o worry. I’m scared but God has me… you, have said,,, it’s all because your  sick that changes me helping. That buries me….. I feel the sand block as airways. No way to UN hear a love un requited. A mothers love, the live that shaped me.. tears pour over cheeks and acceptance settles behind now dim eyes. From here where do I go

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July 20, 2014 · 11:08 am

The life of dealing

How I deal with pain
Is as simple as accepting what’s there….
Life is not fair
Never thought it would be
I just do me
No normality in my stance
A strange duality my brand
I write
I love
I pray to God….. he keeps me above
Submitting to negativity
I hold my friend’s hand
I listen
I speak
I left behind choices of destruction
Building a new infrastructure
The faction is here
I been queer
Don’t live in fear
Take it by faith, hold my on weight
My intuition to my choices led by instincts
Seek to love like God.. .through turmoil and struggle
Believe in treating others as I wish to be treated myself
Keep my bullshit on a shelf
Say what I feel as well as mean
Evaluating the scene
Before I redeem any points to be earned
I apply the lessons I learned
I deal with my version of real
I deal with the emotional side of things
My heart brings a song
And for so long I denied my intrinsic musicality
Those days are gone
The time is now
My moment to wow the world
To be the woman God intends for me
Gotten me this far
I know he won’t leave me today
Another life game that’s must be play
The things I say they have power
Be kind,be humble
Be honest in truth
Take the lessons and apply them when they are most needed
In the past that way has succeeded
In the route to right
So here I am tonight on how I deal…
By being true to what  I feel

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Filed under a rant of love, change, Emotion, life, pain, personal understanding, writing

His Ego Altered

His  Alter ego

Began, a ruse

Something to amuse

Gun Slanga

“What I want….I always get!”

I am that brother…

No Need for Another

The cutie’s, with big booties… bent over seductively,

There’s nothing I want I don’t get”

Sounds like what I have been told about you

The man behind the creation of the MC…

“No MC, just rappa”

A booty tappa

All said playfully

So much truth in  disguise

In the  freedom of autonomy

A joke is always so revealing

who are you really?…

Gun Slanga

Self congratulated big bootie banga

Proclaiming, you know what you want,,,

Killing the “black man stereotypes professionally,

The job, the house, the life

Yet emotionally … yet at this age “no wife”

Just jokingly leaving remnants of woman being

Sexually needed only

Your chosen  alter Ego,  the cliché

Lady tapping, rhyme rapping dream sold fantasy

Life imitates art

So what happened to your heart?

I hear versions of discourse

They paint love with distrust

Women with no affinity

Your admitted love crimes

Describing activities fit

For Gun Slanga

That rapping Playa

You use to masquerade

The taunting  voices, of

shameful choices

You have made concerning “she”

Your truth I see

the aspired role

The Winner, Ace in the hole

A life you visualize,

You don’t believe will materialize…

Seems you learned the hard way

playing the game will get you played

 

Drawn to who you appear to be

a harem of living pleasures you call treasures

They see…

Handsomely created, educated, God-fearing, grew up with a father  good to his mother

Don’t need another type of brother

Yet They receive,  MC

Your altered Ego

Jokingly you speak

Sadly, I hear

FEAR,

Vulnerability, a rap you  don’t want to spit

Can’t control it

Love… is God given

Like  free-falling,

no net

You get what you want.. the job, the house, the life

what’s left…?

I can see it hidden in this joking ruse

disguised, clichéd lyrical alter Ego Gun Slanga….

slanging your regret.

Stuck in her power, your rapping muse

The reason you use…

For not being ready

Gun Slanga

That brother no need for another you claim to be

Its amazing

The truth a joke  told

About the dreams you sold

Gun Slanga is what you call him

Even that holds nothing true

Not about you

Slanging Guns is bold,

No Fear in slanging a gun

 

It’s cold

How you run?

smoked by the past….

That was then, it didn’t last.

It may be time to stop rapping

Gun down,  the clip is empty

What you want, you may get..

You know those…

Cuties with big booties bent over

Easy to “hit”

Even easier to quit

When asked about family… your response said love is what you hope for

You want more….

Inhale God, Fill your lungs with faith

Exhale the doubt Let the wind carry fear away

You believe denying

Is how your surviving

Denial is killing  you

Cutting short the breaths you take

The beauty in the memories you make

Pain can conquer emotional possibilities

Those voices of “what if”  are ….New choices of love opportunities

So Gun Slanga, you the man dating my best  friend.. JOKES aside.. Seriously

.Don’t let Ego alter  You Permanently

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The Original Disney Movies.. The Adult Lesson Plan

if we filled each entertaining moment with a choice of family programming I think we might be better for it. Did you ever notice that the Original Disney Movie, and the Original ABC family movie, teach lessons of love with fortitude. Love is a word that I have known since my earliest days of memories. It dates back in my lifetime periodicals far before I knew anything of dislike, disdain or even understood the magnitude of pain. I don’t remember to much programming or tv from the early formidable years except for Shelly Long, Troop Beverly Hills  Hello Again, Troop Beverly Hills, Splash, and Highway to Heaven which is a very stellar movie, and of course She’s Out of Control. One thing that all these memories locked away in my heart is the overwhelming importance of love, sacrifice and hope. This year I have begun to embrace life with a new zest, a new outlook and definitely a new intent. Love is this amazing thing, and us people, we are equally as extraordinary. Maybe if we spent less time lusting for a greedy life, a greedy existence of desire, and dulling of senses for the sense of physical pleasures we would find our true smile, our true hope hiding behind the most simplicity that life can provide. The answers we seek to our most internal peace are taught to us in the most beautiful of things in our childhood. In friendships, in first love notes. We learn these behaviors of misery, of disdain, and envy. We learn manipulation of spirit of emotion around about school days when we feel the first nudges of distance from other people. For as beautiful as our hearts are as small children, at home we soak up in most days all the love a little person can hope for even when our homes are not exactly as life states it should be. We go off to school and other peoples views of us become an important part of our world, and we want them to love us the same way, we want friends to be so full and fruitful, we want to have allies. Yet the older we grow and the more we understand, the more complicated it becomes. We beat down possibility with out the humbleness of being children. Did you know how much God is those happy family movies. So much it burst from the screen and sometimes the tears that begin in our eyes our tear ducts become waterfalls of understanding and change and we are touched. I might be a little shy to say this but I live for the moments to feel things, to be moved to emotion, to be apart of how love can change a thought, open a closed door to a forgiving heart. Be apart of making your own Original Disney Movie, apply your adult lesson plan to this school of life that never stops teaching. Be hopeful, be peaceful, be brave, be full of life and be full of love. Enjoy life without the greed to be better, the greed to be seen, the greed that keeps you feeding on misery.

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Channel 3 News: Love Seen After Release

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If eternities can be seen with these same eyes
Knowledge of this active living
It would be seen
the trips we have met
each life time our paths crossing
heart beats heard in tandem
days of souls meshed
nights of desire
heated in passion, fire
dreams realized over infinite scopes of time
in the active history
not found reason
no rhyme
understanding
missed
lost lips relentless
feelings immense
Its affinity

Its capable,
that impossible
possiablity
lived before
in the heart of exceptional minds
dated, chronicled the words
in elevated suspension
It’s heaven’s door
most desired
questioned
and defined
in the living lifetime
for one to see it in the others of another
can call it love
drug induced rantings of minds gone
mentally insane
is what is said
yet did those men lie in beds
marked by nothing known to the commonality
of the immensity of redemption
fortitude
forgiveness
or love
for none
simple, definitive or more true
powerful
earth defied and constantly applied
are these things
each create miracles, tap down beats and then sing
the heart
the part so intricate to the action of life
pumping this delicate warming liquid disinfectant
the blood is the cure
so pure
when untouched by hate
the bait of those that kill
no less real
than the fact that love is what heals
It blossoms by the dark of night and shines and changes things
in the purity of light
It fights, it feeds,
merges to create new seeds

Again the cycle goes
another creation, a new part
in the art
you find the tune
given by these catalyst of original thought
each saying the same
each tell the play that wins the game
yet deaf we are to the calls
that resounds through the dank and open skies
left to minds asking the hows the whys
just to defy the heart
that is speaking, healing, thriving
never does it survive instead it just dies
If these eyes could see the life in which we lived before

maybe I would trust you more
be consistent in my truth
for no fear would penetrate the silence so loudly
no body entice the desire so profoundly
only you or if not
then left empty
yet simply my eyes do not see only my heart
and its a warrior of the army
it’s leader undefeatable, unpenetrable, unkillable, a king
the entity of all beings
sees, holds and plays all the cards
not for return or profit
just intent
of choice
for voice
if in those lifetimes the half of this whole is behind those eyes
it can be a thousand days without you
a thousand others you choose
for you would still be incomplete
a feeling of lost still nipping at f your need
to bleed
for it would be the pain you feel
that makes it feel real
not that unexplained
connection, undeliberate affection
or detection of a life renewed
no trial, no search for truth

my truth already seen, no need to seek what is found
our ashes to ashes, our dust to dust
this lifetime it seems may be harder than the others lived
for at first sight I new in this life you lived
the signs were loud bold and unable to be hid
no true memory of you did
the thing needed to be done
yet on sight the activation had started
So God bless…

To those others that we dearly
and sincerely loved yet still departed

affintiy
To love across the scopes of time
no reason true
no rhyme defined
unless the belief is true….. LOVE DOES NOT EXIST
Case closed
evidence suggest
Beyond reasonable doubt
that love exist by means of probable cause and testimony
penalty of perjury
the united decision of the jury,
an objective party of peers
that it does indeed exist
So let us all raise hands that now sits on laps, hangs at sides
to display balled fist
to what can not be defined, but clearly seen
LOVE

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