Tag Archives: growth

Dream You

I see you as eyelids touch full cheeks, your face pecan Browning e it against flawless skin, a man of African American lineage made just for me, the tattooed story of your experience hidden by shirts by day, exposed in the dark night to my finger tips, a voice of cool resolve and baritone enticing and assured. Educated by books convicted by experience. A heart large ready to. embrace the passion of the love I have within, no judgment in soulful brown eyes. Your imperfections beautiful. In love with God, you believe in the spirituality of living, the goal of a human soul. Can lead with love, can disagree with grace and emotional honesty, vulnerability doesn’t frighten you, trust leads the line of the things that binds a man to his half. A team is how you approach marriage, ambitious, yet still willing to touch new ground. Fear is nothing more than acknowledging that faith is needed. The mistakes of my past just parts of who I become, total acceptance in those sexy eyes. I dream you real, I dream you of my wants. You hold me in a bed made for two where there are no boundaries on the things we share. Our connection intercepts pain, trust blankets US, protecting us from the devils seeds of jealousy and fearful mistrust. Nothing plant in our garden as we plant beauty of the fruit of spirit, the chains of live that link us to blessing… starting with kindness, then patience, the fore sight of forgiveness, honesty. Our bodies live in the touch of hands, sharing emotion through the elements of attraction. A life of sharing, a life of Ssupport. You back ideas  that further my professional goals, read my words, watch me dance, I sit while you work, cheer you on, celebrating each goal you surpass. You fears are whispered in our sanctuary and my bosom lays for you to rebuild your strength. I pick up where you leave off. I offer my body for you to crawl into when the world seeks to threaten what you have built. I am your shelter. In our home you Are the king. Your kingdom your greatest accomplishment. I dream you with an identity. A life with true characters, supporting and leading. I dream you of all the things a man for me would fit perfectly… accepting. Kind, sexy, humble, creative, loyal, passionate, accomplished , able to help me reach the goals I have for me, the writing, the degree, the desire to touch lived, take care of family, enjoy friends, be in love like living is breathing each moment slowly…. I dream you in the vision I see. I dream with purpose. I dream you!

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Filed under a rant of love, change, desire, Emotion, evolution, growth, life, love, relationships, The L Word, The Me Files

Snooty…my Nephew is 21

Today we celebrate you
And all the beautiful things you do
How you have become the man you are..
Is evidence that with you God definitely set a new bar!
To say your great just wouldn’t be enough
Your bravery, your loyalty, your intelligence, your character
All are the makings of masculine royalty
Nephew of mine, you just have the stuff…
Most men will never have, you are the man, most boys will never come to be
A protector, even as a small boy you protected me
And 13 years your senior…I am the auntie.
Yet that is you a step above the rest always ahead of your time.
A special blessing, one of a kind
To not see it would mean being blind.
This day the final marker to adulthood
Its really just the beginning so I think you have got it good.
Remember to keep a cool head in adversity
Swim in your uniqueness, it’s what sets the tone in owning your diversity
Never compare yourself to the masses
With a brain like yours your a prime candidate for all the right chances
You will be more than great
You naturally have what it takes
To soar high high above the rest
You already have beat the odds in some of life’s greatest test.
In my heart of discernment
The destiny you own will create an environment of riches
As a black man, the devil will tempt you with the wickedness of hustlers, dope runners, and profiling police ditches
I already know the the road you choose will be the one that enables you to grow
Trust your heart when your mind is unsure
Your spirit on first response will always be your cure
The pride I feel for you is more than I can ever say
On this special day
When you were first born at first glance
We shared a beautiful dance
Our smiles in tandem, even when the miles between us are many
Know I love you with a heart of plenty
My handsome and notorious Snooty!!!
Happy 21st birthday!!!!

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Filed under a rant of love, change, destiny, growth, life, love, relationships, Written Emotion

Rmanni: Today My Love is 21

So many years ago beautiful and tiny
Into our world, God blessed us with Rmanii
Now a woman athletic and tall
Beauty, brains, in my eyes you have it all
If I could could to infinity
Maybe I could measure my pride in being your Auntie
It might be sappy, emotional, a little childish
However, this poem is to say
In a small way
with no shameful blemish
I give you this gift of what I love as much as you
These words, my heartfelt truth
As your years mount
Be sure to hold on to your depth of heart
Light your passion with your endless tenacity
Never fear that overwhelming capacity
God has given to you to shine
Be cool headed in adversity
Remember that while your smart
You can never show enough compassion and humilty in being the best
When you feel unsure and life’s test
Look more like unreachable mountain tops
Inhale deeply
Exhale slowly
The course is a road already destined
Take the time teach
When in others you see lessons already learned
These are the moments your true rewards are earned
It’s worth what’s invested
As a mother you get the opportunity to defy gravity
Fly in the uncontainable love you feel
let your own wounds of childhooh heal
Among all the incandescent things that define you
The character you exhibit in what you do
will paint the portrait of what others see
This milestone into adulthood states from today you get to be who YOU want to be
A culmination of core attributes
as well as the lessons that contributes
to the reflection that stares back…
That person that you embrace as “ME”
Beautiful niece of mine…..
My money…
It’s on you
It’s a sure thing, an easy bet
For you are not the underdog
Not the lucky competitor
This is  just who you  are
A winner pure bred
You defy the odds
You blaze the trail
In you I see all the good from which you derived
Now at 21 you have arrived
Beautiful, grown up and no longer my itty bitty
brave and kicking chairs to defend your own
Now, still brave yet also accomplished
Still our blessing, just not so tiny
Now a full grown Rmanii

Happy 21st Birthday my beautiful niece!!!!!!!!!!

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Filed under a rant of love, change

Between Us Girls (Love Talk)

I hear the whispers of the girls in my world. Playing dress up in suits, sexy evening clothes and man the prime accessory, smell, and earn living just like that woman evolved does. Yet when you say man, they are once again those, sweet, naïve, hoping for that fairy tale, in her mommies heels. Back in elementary at recess, us girls were the mature brave confident girls when it came to this love thing. You had the balls to say how you felt.

Years of being that girl in heart that woman in action that wispy teenager in your sexual desire has left us here in these early years of our decade turn wishing the “boys” had caught up. The unpacked of living and the youthful actions of men have left my ladies so fearful and guarded. They don’t even realize that they have become equipped for bullshit so they see phantom bullshit in sincere situations. We have to see the difference in ourselves and men. Just like back on that yard. Pulling hair, slapping booties or even ignoring you got the point across.

Within the relm of words I find myself.. Nya Monea

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Dear Me…. About Two Years Ago

It’s been just you and I for our entire life. From the moment of conception, in those weary days where the outside world beyond mom’s womb has not exactly made a concrete decision on  whether we were even yet a person or not, it has been us, or better yet I. We wouldn’t want the world to believe that I or better yet we are mentally unstable.You are my former self and I have separated us for the pure fact that I have extricated myself from you by experience and pain, by forgiveness and well, just plain old growth and evolution. I have evolved beyond the moments of tears for nothing, or getting high for escape. Instead I have chosen to embrace my mistakes, and forgive the moments that we have experienced that have caused me or us pain. I feel less pain today then I did when I was a complete replica of you and I want you to know that I forgive you as well. I forgive you for your mistakes, for your misguided attempts at living, and I applaud you for your candor and your risks in life. If their was no you, there would be no me. Sometimes I think of you and I create advice for the similar situations in which I experience, I know that you know the paths that I should have taken even when I forget. You are close to God, new in your faith and open to see the miracles in the daily life you lead, where I have fallen short of belief, faith and hope in the present. It’s why I wanted to write you and I hope you write me back, because I have come full circle to the moment that changed us. Right before the fist of our sister contacted with our flesh over something as menial as the dvr. We lived and we forgave her, and we tried to show the belief of forgiveness in our actions to be here, struggling after so many positive decisions. Yet we are judged by those who were around us with no true understanding of who we were and who we are. Telling stories of us being “cracked out” and laughing about it as though it was true.  We were much more willing to be honest with the them and our self, and in living a view more days, experiencing a few more things we have forgotten to believe in people, we have forgotten to not just forgive them their misgivings but forgive our self for wanting to still believe even when we should do so from afar. I have lost my ability to just keep looking on them with loving eyes and saying, it’s okay to be you, but you will not make me less because of who you are.  This letter to me, about two years ago wants to say I forgive you believing that the choices you made would not affect the person I am today whether the choices were good or bad. I miss you in so many ways, I miss our freedom, but I love my growth. For a long time what people thought meant something to us back then but you didn’t care what they thought, you loved, and lived and were just who you were at that moment and I am not going to lie, I miss that part of me, that freedom, that reflection of who you were to us, and I mean us because while they have the negative to say, they forget to talk about how you listened, how you forgave, how you learned through humility to be kind. They forgot that while you listened to them state their emotional standpoints you really never said much, you just smiled and wrote it all down, Those who have remained have seen the growth and know who you are, those who have left you behind have lost the opportunity to know me. The people who got me through those days have had that same opportunity to meet the knew you and you are  much stronger now, you have transformed into me, You may not know anymore what to do with the daily, but you know how to treat a person. You would be proud of some our changes, and others would make you sad because you liked your bad but if we don’t talk sometimes,I might forget that how people see you matters, it just doesn’t mean the world. That opinion is God’s alone and let’s be frank,he loves you, he loves me and well he always knew.

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Revisiting Now Revised Personas

Seeing those places again, places that not many days ago were places of home, places of friendly faces didn’t feel so happy. It made me see days that have been amended and replaced those days. Slowed heartbeats and visual reminders of what I truly did miss. Even the bad I missed, missed being near blood ties instead of just years piled together. The core of me which is still so much the same, yet the actions of that interpretation of me were no longer my daily activities and I missed those bad things, missed the superficial graces and triumphs it had given me. Missed it so much, thought about making arrangements to visit my personal version of euphoria. Yet I never made those left turns to options that would destroy what I had begun to create. Just when it made me remember it’s beauty I cried for it’s pain as well. That euphoria was having no ties, no responsibilities. It bullied my mind with it’s heavy weight of love. See you love your habits, you addictions, but mostly I love the freedom on having no desire to meet the qualifications of others. They have heavy demands of you for all these reasons. I was comfortable those 285 days, and each moment I was high. So high that the negative of those around me didn’t weigh on me. I abandoned them and I taught myself how to survive and the person who is here now makes the choice to stay away from that love for my bad.  She appears here and there in the most serene and comfortable of places but these days they are further away from what I knew of soothing ways to cope with life. Understanding the why of your personas of who is reflected in the images of our mirrors.   Find that core of you are, then you can create these changes that will make others look to you with a quiet envy that is never loud because successes of this kind more of the building kind. Building a kindness for those who many others don’t understand. Sometimes the only way to truly connect with that you have had to visit those day and those worlds. Now green tree’s make quick appearances but doesn’t stay long. My love for her is fleeting unlike my real love. The realest love I have is for me. I acknowledge who I am on all levels, I relieve my sins to God where they belong. Not to any friend, family member or stranger on the street, and neither should you world out there. Being on this level of understanding is not for the meek at heart. Being bold, brazen and sometimes so wrong helps us to find right on levels beyond the average and I am above average, breaking away from the stereotypes because I don’t like stereotypes  all statistics and commonality are used against a group, to build this negative classification tools. Who you are is unique and similar to someone else s and sometimes feeling the ability to completely be your self is the true gift.

As I revisited that place that I use to call home I realized that who was lingering there in the peppered mementos of the my past I saw a woman loosely sewn together. loosely pieced in happy, these days and this revised persona was no much different, just stitched a bit better, double woven and erratically placed with grace and hindering heart strings. I am proud of her, but I am not ashamed of that fleeting me that was so present in my eyes as I laid to rest her memory and I do miss her, miss her audacious and prettier self. I miss her more slender hips, and helpful way. I miss her more focused mind. I miss all of her but I will find a way back to her kinder attributes,  I know I will because I demand it of myself.

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Filed under a rant of love, growth, Inspiration, It's My Dream, life, love