Tag Archives: decisions

I am Who I am Becoming, not Who I was!!!!!!!!!!

Today I don’t have much to say about anything, today is about my soul needing to be free… I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I haven’t felt like flying, like reaching beyond the stars and beliefs that I can see. I suppose I am tired. Tired of people with their frowns and their selfishness… I guess at the end of the day you can’t expect people to treat you like you would treat the world. The worst of it is family and friends… what can we do to be better than the worse versions of ourselves. I suppose it’s just my time, just time to fly higher than the clouds have previously before seen.  I suppose maybe I am just angry, maybe I am just sad because at the end of the day I put myself here in this place where I need other people and I am tired of needing them. Funny how people hint at things and then proclaim themselves better because they are helping you when truly they are no better and if you were to be the way they are to you, they wouldn’t like you. Wouldn’t want to sit at the same table of your criticisms and your judgments of them. when I do unleash my judgments I try my best to not hurt other people, to not be the person that makes them feel worse than they make themselves feel. Or maybe I am working so hard at not being like my persecutors that I persecute them inside of my desire to not be at the other end of the beating stick. Change is not something that is easy but as long as you have an unsavory pasts people still hold the keys to the things that will make you sad and make you want to revert back because to be the best version of yourself daily is not an easy job, being conscious of your actions of your words and even of your thoughts is a hard work in progress. I struggle daily with saying no to temptations to being the ensemble in my cast. Quelling the quiet desires to speak harshly to behave badly. I suppose the best we can do is try are best to make the right decisions to forgive our own tarnishing images of the past.  I am empowered to not be who you think you know of me, but who I have become. No one is without their mistakes. SO to the mothers who feel like they are bad mothers because of mistakes, to past mistake makers who have given up life’s of not so good, to the children who feel that disappointments become image makers. We are not what we have done, we are a culmination of what we have done, what we have learned and what we choose to do today.

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