Tag Archives: children

Mama’s Baby… Daddy’s Maybe Bayyyybbbeee

So Here it is in the land of what ain’t right, try as we might to not hold the grudge to judge. Not snare a nose up to the others in falter of steps. Yet today I will follow my heed and complete the need to speak freely on the heffa population who make it hard for the true love, respect and loyal to the man in her heart female generation.

I try my best to stand with God and hold my head high and forgive those who bruise my spirit, those who have stolen from my light. Yet today my heart is wounded for another, for my from another mother brother.  His heart is breaking and caused a wave and quake to my soul. For a minute I was ready to catch a case. Ready to dock my wholesome change and rearrange my alphabet and teach a lesson old school style. Pulling my hair in to a ponytail, donning the heels and slipping into some running shoes.. Vaseline lining my pecan hue skin. I had a fight on my brain. Her face was wearing my fist and calling it by name. Begging me to release my fury. It wasn’t just for him, but for me as well. So many of us girls are looking for a man who loves us, will hold our hand if we ever have to sit on the edge of mattress love nest, and spill a truth that life grows within, especially if the daddy is not a husband, more just the lover kind. The kind that leave us unsure if his words and his actions will met up in the court of mutual affections. If the man is one day away from saying goodbye and the period that is suppose to conclude the sentence, and identify that this fate was just a date gone awry.

Many woman have been beaten with the expectations of a man’s desire to do the right thing. So many have lost that war the consequence of single motherhood, aborting the decisions of new life with a knife and others have been unselfish and given those children to other homes, yet many children are left in the arms of social workers who usher them to houses of love unwanted.

So you would see the bitter taste of disdain and disgrace as my phone rings to find my favorite guy friend calling to conform what I unfortunately already knew that his ex girlfriend, ex problem had lied about the new born baby he was told was his was indeed not and like that we are experiencing the in real life Maury show’s… You are not the baby daddy finale show and I could feel my heartbeat quicken as I begged of him to not take on this heart ache this deliberate heart break and lose faith in the us kind, the female kind, the gaping female intrusion interlaced fascination.  While I heaved and wanted to penetrate her understanding with slanderous words and murderous verbal slayings he just says, what can I do, and what would hurting her do with words of malice and hate. I thin cried silent tears for my old friend. A young man adult and fine, my best friend… a man who had picked me up on low days with words of support and love, the friend that my old bestie loved more than anything else back in our high school days. IN the midst of the anger and pain I felt, the hue of hate that lingered for this woman, I felt pride and admiration. My best friend had become a man wonder, a super hero, a model type pristine type fella for whom I would take bullets, for whom I would vindicate. My pulse quickens with the thought that some beautiful soul will miss her soul mate because one woman was selfish, unkind, unjust and just plain wrong, so i play him a song of love and a prayer of faith. Don’t leave love at the front door I beg to God for him, because a man like him deserves a woman wonder, a woman better than me, but who loves him with that same intensity who would not allow pain to reach his heart. For love is truly a lost art.

So this is for the mama’s with babies whom daddy is still just a thought of maybe he or maybe him. Be kinder to your body and be kinder to your soul. Most of all remember you just upped the ante, a dealt another card of life to the Poker table and your importance has become less. If you cared  a little more for you, and less for what… maybe a nut… you wouldn’t need to be victim or hero, demon or saint.  Even if you have to do it alone, make the least desirable of places  a home, even when it seems like tho you laid in a bed not by yourself but might have to raise the baby alone, that the baby, the child, that new life that beats is the one that will be casualty of the ware you rage…. So not just to the baby mamas who have lied to a man but the ones where it started off all love like narcotic style vibrations and invitations, ore even the accidental night of heat.. these men who actually do what’s right with all they have, and all their might… be kind to them, be honest and be true… Cuz I am not so forgiving to you… for you are a reflection of women kind and I don’t do mine like that. I want to love a man, be his ride or die chick, and if I am the one that he ends up with, I am snapping the whip and no child be used as a pawn… and you don’t one like me around… because if it’s to see my man… it won’t be, no the only face you will see is mine, and don’t be mad if your child is wondering where I am instead of you. For in truth, here the child is the first place and never a competition, there is no superstition with this… To God I give my truth… and I am not lying I hate this type of shit.

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The Original Disney Movies.. The Adult Lesson Plan

if we filled each entertaining moment with a choice of family programming I think we might be better for it. Did you ever notice that the Original Disney Movie, and the Original ABC family movie, teach lessons of love with fortitude. Love is a word that I have known since my earliest days of memories. It dates back in my lifetime periodicals far before I knew anything of dislike, disdain or even understood the magnitude of pain. I don’t remember to much programming or tv from the early formidable years except for Shelly Long, Troop Beverly Hills  Hello Again, Troop Beverly Hills, Splash, and Highway to Heaven which is a very stellar movie, and of course She’s Out of Control. One thing that all these memories locked away in my heart is the overwhelming importance of love, sacrifice and hope. This year I have begun to embrace life with a new zest, a new outlook and definitely a new intent. Love is this amazing thing, and us people, we are equally as extraordinary. Maybe if we spent less time lusting for a greedy life, a greedy existence of desire, and dulling of senses for the sense of physical pleasures we would find our true smile, our true hope hiding behind the most simplicity that life can provide. The answers we seek to our most internal peace are taught to us in the most beautiful of things in our childhood. In friendships, in first love notes. We learn these behaviors of misery, of disdain, and envy. We learn manipulation of spirit of emotion around about school days when we feel the first nudges of distance from other people. For as beautiful as our hearts are as small children, at home we soak up in most days all the love a little person can hope for even when our homes are not exactly as life states it should be. We go off to school and other peoples views of us become an important part of our world, and we want them to love us the same way, we want friends to be so full and fruitful, we want to have allies. Yet the older we grow and the more we understand, the more complicated it becomes. We beat down possibility with out the humbleness of being children. Did you know how much God is those happy family movies. So much it burst from the screen and sometimes the tears that begin in our eyes our tear ducts become waterfalls of understanding and change and we are touched. I might be a little shy to say this but I live for the moments to feel things, to be moved to emotion, to be apart of how love can change a thought, open a closed door to a forgiving heart. Be apart of making your own Original Disney Movie, apply your adult lesson plan to this school of life that never stops teaching. Be hopeful, be peaceful, be brave, be full of life and be full of love. Enjoy life without the greed to be better, the greed to be seen, the greed that keeps you feeding on misery.

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Losing Risk..I miss it

When the doors to opportunity open and make open passages to harmony, we sometimes lose our fearless abandon, questioning consequences and outcomes. Losing the fight of thoughts gone wild. Taking chances has become a thing of a childhood lost to being an adult. We have forgotten how to become adventurers of the heart. Instead being infected by decayed misgivings of “what if I lose all that I have gained.” Maybe it is better to have nothing. For those with nothing seem fearless of the consequential outcomes. In the line of sight I have seen win or lose they do it not always just for the profit but also the experience. Experience has lost it’s popularity in modern society.The gamble at one time did conmulinate in thoughts of only lost, the minds of people did lend so much severity in the depth of rejection… for it is said in archaic words of this experience we call living “what do I have to lose?” When did dreaming become something of the risking kind, and when did taking chances lose the fight with just settling. Without the leap there can be no risk so it seems that risk recovery is just risk discovery, which is just risk defending the the safe by suspending it’s useful purpose in life. With the fear we invite into our hearts risk has become powerful. Powerful for the control of the mind, control of faith and the spread of fear. Now fear is a crutch where with courage, and brave hearts can be a tool of motivation. It wears now the honor of resistance and restriction, keeping you at bay and constrained. Through eyes of experience, wisdom and faith we will see the good in a risk. Risk isn’t dangerous, it’s merely the  unknown a prejudiced uncharted bank of waters. Without a risk many of us would not be here living, breathing.  I have been thinking and the elusive is sexy to me so I have begun to lust for it,  want to begin a passionate, altering, and brazen  love affair with that old friend, and intertwine it with it the way many have with safe. Safe is no longer an ally , it’s taken to double agency and is doing the more negative than positive. Safe has mastered a new craft of slaying possibility, leaving ideas decaying on the fore front of minds never born to action. Safe is keeping our children from sprouting, No longer “in risk” to playing out in the yard. Imagination has been  left abandoned , to much of a risk.  Instead their minds have  been broaden by technological  logic,,, creativity is criminal, a terrorist of changing and individuality. Instead be no more then a trained mind be a prisioner of the implanted thought,chained to tv’s that  hypnotize the brain, leaving them morally blind. Giving them age before growth, and fear before faith.  A little bit of risk makes the journey worth going on.. what if you at the age of nine didn’t build that ramp you thought soaring across would be so fun, what if a doctor didn’t take the risk on that life changing hypothesis.. The widening madness is rising, this widening gap of being led instead of leading… not just in leadership but in love, in friendship in learning in maintaining. Wearing down the ability to survive by relying on instinct, we are become robotic entities of simply complying instead of defying, just hear, listen and obey the words are lost in the clicks, the moving pictures to hide the fact that they are lying,  Don’t take the risk, just hear, listen, and download this disk, to protect what has already been taken. I am just wondering how losing risk leaves me so cold, robbing me of that youth like feeling, just feel denied, left behind and old. Maybe I should have took the risk instead of so eagerly yelling fold to afraid to lose what I already had, maybe that risk would have been so much more. The risk may yield less than happy results but what do I care… without the risk, seems soon we may not feel there is anything worth fighting for… without risk, do you really think you will dream of  something more? 

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