Tag Archives: belief

Always With Me

I carry you in a place inside that keeps the monumental power of what your love taught me. A woman without a father needs the love you gave me. The kind of love that reached the places an absentee father needs a woman to have to learn her worth and beauty.  As I feel a new love touch my heart I remember the lessons learned in our journey. The promise of his arrival in your admission to my world is beyond the thanks and appreciation I can ever give to you. I knew in our first meeting I would be forever changed yet to know the true embrace of a love unconditionally given is worth more than all the riches I could obtain in this life. Out beyond a moon I can see… I know you live beneath its light. Without those days… the moments, those words I would not be a woman who knows what she deserves. To say I love you would be less than a million things I truly feel. No poetic prose could manifest the truth in the blessing bestowed in having experienced even the pain evoked by what we shared. You have become the beat of my heart, the strength in my character. No longer in love I finally can see the gifts you gave in leaving me without you in my daily life.  You gave me freedom to be who you saw in me. When the first intense sensation of emotion welled up in my chest grasping my release of our memory…visions overtook me. I saw your approval in the man that so deeply touched me with his admiration of who I had become…. I cried for you. Although we are millions of moments from our last touch, kiss you are there in my actions, in my words. We were the definition of souls intertwined. Our affinity was not about an earthly love. Our love gave me life and now I’m ready for a love that will allow me to live. I will never forget the reflection of me that came to life in the hollows of your brown eyes. I pray your heart hears my gratitude in loving me in all my flaws.

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Take My Spirit: You Can’t

I hear the footsteps of your pain, muddy with resentment, discontentment
A heart untouched by kind words,untouched by appreciation for what you give
The rain outside of your windows eternally fall unable to be sheltered from the picture you have painted to the world that fails to provide you the sunshine you need to grow and forgive
I hear them loudly in your tone
In your hurtful words
Your shield from the arms I open to protect you from  that downpour
Inhale my love, change your picture
Together we can clean your shoes
Clean away the dirty toils beneath your sole(soul).
Here we can change the forecast of our tomorrow
On our knees we can pray
I will stay within your grasp
Won’t leave you alone
Will set a new tone
In my willingness to be your umbrella in the storm
I feel your core
Feel the beauty you have lost
Just living in that rain
The insurmountable pain
Take my hand
I demand the light to shine within our time
Here we will endure bad, make a path to fine and arrive in the brightness of the sun
Vulnerabilities left with fear
Its time I share with you my faith
Its were my smile arrives
Its wear my pain is released
Its why my shoes are clean
Why the tears always end in a rainbow
Don’t live in the thunder, in that hurricane
Within is how we rebuild
Where we must heal….

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This Life

one life to live, is the lesson we are taught as we grow into ourselves.. you only live once… So go yolo and live big… i have this friend and she has the life many writers dream of.. triumph and personal success. passion and love and independence and a home that will always be her home. i admire her, she is one of my favorite people…. i don’t envy her life only because i love me… This life has been jagged with edges dulled and then smoothed. Moments that could lacerate my belief in people, and then the perfect cut stitched with needles that are pretty and beautiful…. This life has made me this person that i see the same way I see Lauren…. proud, and privileged to know and have as a part of This life. I know these things about faith that set me apart and I am not being arrogant…. I am sharing this to share one thing…. Life is not always easy it has it’s edges that are jagged and it has it edges that are so smooth it seems unbelievable. Yet if you believe it’s for you to keep going and then you do… it makes the jagged edges feel so small and the smooth so incessant that it’s worth the cuts andbruises/  If you can forgive do, and if you can admire, indulge in it… and remember you are your greatest resource… sometimes we habe to be selfish and choose ourselves…. that’s only fair when you think about it..yet don’t forget that you live in a world big and with many other souls and we have to be their for each other… so bekind when it doesn’t seem important to be kind. Be love in all ways and don’t forget the sparks in touches and the cool yerstanding in the goose pimples that cover your skin…. some things we will not be bale to explain… some moments will garner nothing more than love and love can be studied and the findings documented but it will never be abl to really explained and that’s why This Life is so great to me… because the love I have experienced from people opened doors to a person that I know I love… I love me all imperfect and flawed.. with mistakes in my past and in my path.. i LOVE ME BECAUSE EACH DAY I HAVE TO LIVE ANOTHER I know me and I know who I am.. and in this life I may not leave behind explemnary experiences are successes mounted on the walls of my big home… but my relationships will be the trophy room in This life and I know it will show a woman with heart, with soul, with faith, with ideals that mark a life that I am proud to say is mine… because these are my markers, these are my successes… if I get the chance to marry and build a family it will be the thing I treasure… because I can be different… this emotional woman with her emotional words and her emotional life is proud of each tear… and while I chart the next sea I will cross and the next thing I will do… I will do it with This life as my documented shear of choices to be me a me that I admire and love like I do that friend I am so in awe of.. all those friends I am so in awe of,,,, because truthfully they all reflect who I am and where I have been……

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Wrath

the wrath of God they call out loud.. leading flocks by fear

Hasn’t it become apparently clear

that the wrath of which the bible speaks

Is the wrath given by you and me

the wrath of the world

The wrath of the rich on the poor

the gift of inadequacy…

the wrath of friend to friend

when loyalty falls short of forever, and the end is sooner than the “When”

we accepted…

The wrath of God is showb in how we made of his image

result in the scrimmage emotional distress of lving

Born into Original Sin, and the acts that keep us living in that good  old sinning that we love so muich

we forget to touch  our hearts to spirit

Can you hear it…

the real wrath of God is love

A love more perfect tthan we will ever be capable of…

Constantly falling short.

Making the mistreatment of our fellow man soime sick spectator sport

Physical, mental, and emotional crimes committed browned flesh, and hopeful ideals

The use of currency to create the urgency of competitive greed

while other sit and yearn for things they need to survive

Food, belief, relief

To feel complete

All vital to the beating of a heart

the value of life

how we smile when we arrive….

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Place a Bet ? (Rants)

This place I am from, breeds dreamers, believers in the making of fantasies. I wonder some days if it makes us crazy. Yet I look around at Hollywood, and I realize I have been born of dream makers. Not my parents but my surroundings. We equite life to art, and art to the imitation of emotion. This pen is my tool, my life, my therapy,  my vision. Yet I have lost my belief in dreams because the practicum says that doing what you want when you want is not prosperity. Yet if it is healthy and beautiful why can’t it be possible. I am running from nothing to believe in something. I t sounds like washed up words behind million dollar unknowns. The risk you place at the table of opportunity is not a heavy wager to success is it. Yet the wager on the actual possibility of the opportunity is great. A high roller style risk. The bet of everything placed on the actuality of nothing. If your talent is the bet what amount would you wager, how much would you risk. I am afraid of nothing dangerous, but so fearful of anything meaningful, always have been. Here in the height of building me… I find less belief in my dreams. My pockets heavy with the sorrows of the past those place chips outweigh the white chips that are full of promise, full of relief from the grief of mistakes made, of bad days turned into impossible mistakes. Can’t build on wrong, can wager on lessons learned, but no home can be built on that shaky ground. The risk is to high, the tide to rough, the waters to deep. Will I lose the bank roll, placing wagers on belief, will I drown in a sea of regret? Will I forget the lessons learned beneath the harsh sun of the presence. Is there  a story here to tell. In my jail I dream of redemption. Yet in that moment I realize redemption is not a game of stakes, but a game of will, a game of skill. There is no bet at the table, the cards won’t be drawn, this game is about what you know with what you got.

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The Original Disney Movies.. The Adult Lesson Plan

if we filled each entertaining moment with a choice of family programming I think we might be better for it. Did you ever notice that the Original Disney Movie, and the Original ABC family movie, teach lessons of love with fortitude. Love is a word that I have known since my earliest days of memories. It dates back in my lifetime periodicals far before I knew anything of dislike, disdain or even understood the magnitude of pain. I don’t remember to much programming or tv from the early formidable years except for Shelly Long, Troop Beverly Hills  Hello Again, Troop Beverly Hills, Splash, and Highway to Heaven which is a very stellar movie, and of course She’s Out of Control. One thing that all these memories locked away in my heart is the overwhelming importance of love, sacrifice and hope. This year I have begun to embrace life with a new zest, a new outlook and definitely a new intent. Love is this amazing thing, and us people, we are equally as extraordinary. Maybe if we spent less time lusting for a greedy life, a greedy existence of desire, and dulling of senses for the sense of physical pleasures we would find our true smile, our true hope hiding behind the most simplicity that life can provide. The answers we seek to our most internal peace are taught to us in the most beautiful of things in our childhood. In friendships, in first love notes. We learn these behaviors of misery, of disdain, and envy. We learn manipulation of spirit of emotion around about school days when we feel the first nudges of distance from other people. For as beautiful as our hearts are as small children, at home we soak up in most days all the love a little person can hope for even when our homes are not exactly as life states it should be. We go off to school and other peoples views of us become an important part of our world, and we want them to love us the same way, we want friends to be so full and fruitful, we want to have allies. Yet the older we grow and the more we understand, the more complicated it becomes. We beat down possibility with out the humbleness of being children. Did you know how much God is those happy family movies. So much it burst from the screen and sometimes the tears that begin in our eyes our tear ducts become waterfalls of understanding and change and we are touched. I might be a little shy to say this but I live for the moments to feel things, to be moved to emotion, to be apart of how love can change a thought, open a closed door to a forgiving heart. Be apart of making your own Original Disney Movie, apply your adult lesson plan to this school of life that never stops teaching. Be hopeful, be peaceful, be brave, be full of life and be full of love. Enjoy life without the greed to be better, the greed to be seen, the greed that keeps you feeding on misery.

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Absence , Yours Held Me

in the mirror I see you,

their in the slant of my eyes

at your featured cleft copied to my chin

Can’t escape the you that’s is the beginning to my core

can’t take away from the four

identifying marks that label me yours

you aversion to love, you abuse of truth

I can’t escape which I was dervived of

Can’t erase what I arrived from

All of it a part of me

even the dark dingy parts that make me want to resists myself

violently, denying any parts of you reside within

as much as I want to use the word hate to combat the lack of love shown

with each hurt feeling bruise of your lack of action , I have grown

I know I can’t change you but use you as a propelled in flesh example of what not to be

you see even in the pain, wet from tears pouring like rain

those portals of rain became the chain of links that left me with truth

disappointment of desire to have arms circled around my misunderstanding

taught the lesson that even those issued jobs of caring won’t care if God is not present in their intent

to some extinct

the sadness has become pity

A sentence of infinity deadbolt locked to life, here in this hell fell beyond heaven

left to atmospheric us humans inside deep the soul lives

I know this life is to come to a close at some point

i feel the truth of humanity, the gift of this human suit made of leather repairing skin

which is done right one time will show that its all about appreaciation

appreciating the bad days along with the good

ALDAY

Your home as gritty as ghetto’s with shot soaring through the quiet nights

My hood no different, just without the sadness of others the binding of brothers by gangs

no rising brotherhood connecting me to sentimentality of feeling no my hood was small, just two you and I

as i began down the path of streets beat to avoid your face

my never dying disgrace to you lips

your taste for me had me stripped fom the seasoned food of my truth

Soon I would find out that your hood, your dynasty of control

was trully hood… it was a exit exam for elementary thought and enabled mind

so many of peers owned.. yes it was a hood of divinity and it expelled the weak and ignorant and built intelligent sympathetic warriors see Hood.. Was Heaven’s opportunity for me offerinig definitive characterstics.

A suburbian home of midlife love comfortable and daily the same

does not build believers of fight

Believers in the right of the common good

I did grow hurt and I did deter from the roads that others will call right

yet warriors training gladiators don’t come from homes of lies so perfect they feel like truth

with perfect youth tales all surface no lessons of shame, or eyes of change

A later in life successors comes fom the experience of life unpopular by popular belief

if smiles were not made to be appreaciated from previously understated or underrated

melodic sighs of relief

that I would be just a spoiled doll girl like so many peers still lost in the formindable years when me was all that could be heard fom their wanting lips

Those girls who played with the rounded grounds of attraction, firm booties, high titties and the  ability to just get without work

So I must say thank you for your damaging ways,  selfish days never producing conversations of my little lady warnings

the exception is “don’t be like me regretting babies wishing i was some other place other than here

The direct consequence is my eloquence,

my heartbeat strong, my fear only a motivation

my denying of mediocrity , my journey on a road to beliefs untaught by your presence inbred by your absentee parenting

Now I look over at my paiin and it seems so lame in compariion to what it is your feeling or hiding.This time I must admit

not so different fom you so confused and immersed in me

With the revision of faith and the appearence of belief, the admission of guilt

the action of accountability

My path now changed taking roads chosen by instinct, lesson learned consequence simple

when roads of right. treated quoted to our young learning,  one of the few truth from that

basic instructions before leaving earth booklet,

some learned before idea is first person, the bible

use it, to conform, read it for summation noy literal be valued for lesson as seen in, experienced shared i

this statement earned number lesson, how you retrieve the most abundant of blessings

treat those who your connection in all things as you have to you

powerful, but simple in its explanation no need for interruption

no belief, no movement, no revolution will differ in it’s exploration or delivery

it simply knows nothing of experience or sensation

for those not with words so pretty, it’s easy no detail

not doing what I don’t want relayed to me

Its alot heavy yet,

Yet, so easy to carry,

Unlike that wrong which was lite, difficult to carry

infectious consequences side effect crippling

Manipulating the mind,

Deliberate retreats to sell illusions, graphic delusions,

I resist this I won’t apply, your inability to to look outside I

Yet, me the I inside is the only 3Ye used to see, speak, or feel,

I do not have to apply those learned behaviors

Instead, ideal earned by nurturing the difference I see

So I click back, Undo, the application permissions,

hating me for hating the you in me

i forgive my reflection for it’s likeness to you

yet if I forget to trust that raw inner feeling

test ahead for faith, notification

I find the beauty of letting go and letting GOd.

He made me of you so I could take care of you

so I might as well take the express train to acceptance

your never going to change

That story is gone so old , its time to start a new book, a new story

a new page

 

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