Category Archives: Written Emotion

Today for Choosing

Choices are made for definitive reasoning…. Make your choices with, I live with the intent of positive and feel the vibrations of greatness. This day has defined life for me in a new meaning, in a new space. I embrace it, I will it to change me into the person God has destined me to be. I see the power in life, the design of love, the importance of forgiveness   I look to the love I have been given today and I give it to faith, thankful for these moment before my life is altered forever. i feel your strength in my breath. I feel your unconditional love in my heartbeat, I feel your presence in my family. I feel your mercy in my ability to change. I feel you GOD. I have no fear in the eye of this storm, you have awakened me, with the introduction to this new beginning i give it to you. I am ready. I smile moving into the grief of life for I can make mine a meaning, a belief, a truth.

I live today for tomorrow, each choice, each moment, each understanding….

TO MY FRIENDS… WHEN I WAKE UP, COME TO ME, MEND MY WOUNDS WITH THE LOVE THAT ALLOWED ME TO LIVE… i DON’T REGRET MY LIFE

Leave a comment

July 11, 2014 · 6:58 am

Snooty…my Nephew is 21

Today we celebrate you
And all the beautiful things you do
How you have become the man you are..
Is evidence that with you God definitely set a new bar!
To say your great just wouldn’t be enough
Your bravery, your loyalty, your intelligence, your character
All are the makings of masculine royalty
Nephew of mine, you just have the stuff…
Most men will never have, you are the man, most boys will never come to be
A protector, even as a small boy you protected me
And 13 years your senior…I am the auntie.
Yet that is you a step above the rest always ahead of your time.
A special blessing, one of a kind
To not see it would mean being blind.
This day the final marker to adulthood
Its really just the beginning so I think you have got it good.
Remember to keep a cool head in adversity
Swim in your uniqueness, it’s what sets the tone in owning your diversity
Never compare yourself to the masses
With a brain like yours your a prime candidate for all the right chances
You will be more than great
You naturally have what it takes
To soar high high above the rest
You already have beat the odds in some of life’s greatest test.
In my heart of discernment
The destiny you own will create an environment of riches
As a black man, the devil will tempt you with the wickedness of hustlers, dope runners, and profiling police ditches
I already know the the road you choose will be the one that enables you to grow
Trust your heart when your mind is unsure
Your spirit on first response will always be your cure
The pride I feel for you is more than I can ever say
On this special day
When you were first born at first glance
We shared a beautiful dance
Our smiles in tandem, even when the miles between us are many
Know I love you with a heart of plenty
My handsome and notorious Snooty!!!
Happy 21st birthday!!!!

Leave a comment

Filed under a rant of love, change, destiny, growth, life, love, relationships, Written Emotion

My Final Scene..

You all broke my heart.
Tore me from my hope
Demolished the road paved to my dreams
Took the road of catered pain
Whether the rain
With the storms I could see
Instead of the serpents disguised

to look like love
Took the dark and unsure roads of risk
The ways of walking you taught
painted gold and shiny things were not the beautiful of rare gems
U glittered like gold
Just painted in acrylic with a dusted shine
Paying the fine
For crimes committed before my time
Deserted me, averted me
Perverted my sense of self
No love holds my heart
No jewels valued
She is my heart
Hot, wet
Something I can feel
I Know love, my true gift, nothing more than a valuable curse
Heart em blazed scattered among infinity
a universe crying it’s empathy
It’s pity died with mine.
It’s gone and so am I
Today we celebrate my last breath
In moments dedicated to righting my wrongs
The death of my love
I thought it would cling
Constant song of that ring
Of my need
To show you I care
Its to late
Kick me to the wolves.
Knock me down
Your suggested crown
Don’t symbolize “royal”
On your team
Never again
I am loyal
To me.. Giving all this love, all this good in my heart to God. Going to live the life that shadows the sun you burn in.. I choose the night where I can see what lurks before me.
Your blows left wounds that have pierced my purity.

Took away my trust..

Was already alone
Now I can stop pretending not to be..

Like roads don’t have two directions in which tread.

So sick,

diseased by love abused,

vacant and traumatized.

Lost life to fantasize for tree’s flowers and you welcoming me home.

life is bitter with lessons told.. And dreams sold

Leave a comment

September 28, 2013 · 5:56 am

We Made Our Last Memories

Last Night We created our last memories. The last time I would listen to your voice, say your name, feel your intense depth of understanding. While you spoke I saw the Love you are feeling, love for any other. Entitled to happiness, I must release you. I must free myself from the connection We share. Heard each Word , each detail of passionate pain they Have caused you. As you left My World, you have no idea that over the next several weeks I will purge myself on the intoxicating admiration that mesmerizes my truth. This love I feel knows that without this day it would not survive you. It will posion My belief, corrupt the reflection My eyes see. I know I Said I would never leave. I intended to live in this thing We do share. In an instant My truth became doubt. In your words, your revelation falling from lips that have rarely touched My own revealed that your Love rejects the explanation of Love I Have for you. You Said.she held you down, Stayed at your side When no allusions were displayed in your situation. Held you, kept you. You deny the power you give These things you deny you feel to your heart. Beaten, broken and scarred you nurse the wounds of her past. You claim her meaning to you. Freely you set me free.  My love was always here. Always loyal and true…. But never enough to be in your heart, the way they all Have auditioned to be.  The best friend you Have I now see… I am the place your soul and mind meet, yet you never allowed your heart to know me. Each breath taken to reveal the trails of your life, became the ammunition to free this heart enslaved. Love is still burning inside for you, but I dont Want to stay. I cant stay, must reduce the lifetime We invested in. Now Just a season. Will take all that has been given By God between us. Maybe our futures will intersect, better, and in Sync for whatever We could be. Its time I set you free, give My heart a.chance to be loved. I Want the best for you. From afar I will see it, . Wish I could be braver,less selfish.

Leave a comment

Filed under a rant of love, change, love, meaning, pain, personal understanding, relationships, self love, unrequited love, Written Emotion

Last Night We created our last memories. The last time I would listen to your voice, say your name, feel your intense depth of understanding. While you spoke I saw the Love you are feeling, love for any other. Entitled to happiness, I must release you. I must free myself from the connection We share. Heard each Word , each detail of passionate pain they Have caused you. As you left My World, you have no idea that over the next several weeks I will purge myself on the intoxicating admiration that mesmerizes my truth. This love I feel knows that without this day it would not survive you. It will posion My belief, corrupt the reflection My eyes see. I know I Said I would never leave. I intended to live in this thing We do share. In an instant My truth became doubt. In your words, your revelation falling from lips that have rarely touched My own revealed that your Love rejects the explanation of Love I Have for you. You Said.she held you down, Stayed at your side When no allusions were displayed in your situation. Held you, kept you. You deny the power you give These things you deny you feel to your heart. Beaten, broken and scarred you nurse the wounds of her past. You claim her meaning to you. Freely you set me free.  My love was always here. Always loyal and true…. But never enough to be in your heart, the way they all Have auditioned to be.  The best friend you Have I now see… I am the place your soul and mind meet, yet you never allowed your heart to know me. Each breath taken to reveal the trails of your life, became the ammunition to free this heart enslaved. Love is still burning inside for you, but I dont Want to stay. I cant stay, must reduce the lifetime We invested in. Now Just a season. Will take all that has been given By God between us. Maybe our futures will intersect, better, and in Sync for whatever We could be. Its time I set you free, give My heart a.chance to be loved. I Want the best for you. From afar I will see it, . Wish I could be braver,less selfish.

Leave a comment

Filed under a rant of love, change, love, meaning, pain, personal understanding, relationships, self love, unrequited love, Written Emotion

Audible Smile

It is beautiful how it happens when you think you expect something and find that you only expected to be. To be in that moment, when you feel happy or end up in a smile that is audible, escaping a place that you really don’t understand is there because when it happens it’s always a surprise. Even when I stimulate it, intentionally; that place with stories that sell reality with a sense of play, memories that take you back to happy days that have of comic sighs and those smiles that become audible unexpected moments of beautiful. I mark the days that tears meet those audible smiles because those are days that acceptance of the most unexplainable seems to happen. When my expectation is exceeded beyond what was somehow inbred inside of me due to previous action or choice or interaction. To live each day available to the ability to have unexpected connection to that place within myself in which a smile arrives and that sound escapes me. The reflection that images share, that mirrors, that me can put a smile on, that is expected and intended, yet that me where sincerity is born with moments of unexpected who sometimes can’t find the smile when I need it the most. Each moment, each heartbeat, each extension that connects you to the life you live is appreciation if you share it with yourself first and then whoever shares your place, the place that can give birth to your audible smile.

Believe in the unexpected, in the unexplainable, unique beautiful that is not sold by opinion of others, by past versions of some other humans version of it. We spend days seeking truths and happiness, and some other person to connect to, and we forget that all that we seek can be found in that place that is pregnant trimester into day into moments still coming with availability for those unexpected moment of smiles that become audible, taking the body sometimes into full body spasms and then a deep breath that escapes open lips as we give the body oxygen for the souls invasion.

Leave a comment

Filed under personal understanding, Positivity, Written Emotion, you

Born 1st (today) Gift of a Big Sister…..


The Beat of drums dying in the distance create the collage of illustrated thought. Moments of memories waving in between to short perfect movies scenes and life altering kisses that take our breaths away.  

Your drum is not lost to a fading beat… it is still strong in its pulse, hitting the pavement of days with immediate and striking balance, igniting the fusion of sexy saxphone calls and serene keys of the pianos classic and notable emotional cords. The music of your soul knows no limitation of the land, bares no notice to the heated and desperate calls of negative. Your music is the soulful mixture of your desire, your faith, hope and belief in the miracles of love. The ripening of your mind only increases each year when you celebrate the anniversary of your birth. A collage of your journey.. triumphs, struggles, and movement. Today is not just about how you got here, whom the vessel was or the lineage left behind. Today is a collected memoir of thoughts and changes. We celebrate the core of your being, and the love that created the home for the soul that lives within..

A sister is a common oxymoronic entitlement of ownership bestowed by right of birth and the espionage of genetics. As the first-born of your inherited tribe you have been the pioneer, the liaison and the basis of cause. The path to tread and the vote to acquire. As the youngest I have lived in the well of your presence, yet have warmed and been soothed by the care of your parental knowledge. I have acquired the blessing and curse of leadership that at times have been nothing more than a pain in the side at my time of battle. Yet it has also been the healing to wounds that only a sister could heal. In our embrace we have found and learned the art of the un conditional form of living that is blind to resistance. We resist not to forgive. We resist not to love. An embedded army stands at my side, as you are a soldier for our happiness, even when we are the ones that cause you pain. You have been the nurturing alliance when the enemy is the our common exchange of blood, dna and bind that is tied to the presence of learning to go with the punches, rolling over then into complete triumph. The job of a big sister never dies, never lessens in its demands and never quits with few benefits and no place to mark complaint. Yet being the little sister gives me the experience to say… that had you not chopped down those trees and found those caves of passage.. I would not be able to write, not be able to be the rogue free spirit that I am. Without you taking on the pains of growing up first… I would not be able to come in pick up the slack.  Your just being is a gift to our family.  And as today will quickly become the past, moving so fast, today is God‘s way… of showing you the love that he feels so unconditionally just for you. A quick reminder that at the moment of your birth, the stars aligned, the room went silent, the light began to shine, and someone we both know well… said… “My baby girl, she is all mine” and that is eternal, beyond this life, not to be lost in death… it’s so powerful… love that it’s the only thing that doesn’t need the present as a gift.. for it outlast time.

To My Oldest Sister with Love….

3 Comments

Filed under life, love, Written Emotion

When We…. A Friendship Never Forgotten

The level of communication today

is why you are not so far a bay

Didn’t think I could see this present

When our hellos were hesitant, second to the addresses of president

When our love didn’t flow

and the contents of your heart I didn’t know

Not when we were sisters, not friends

Not when a I consisted of a we

when we were the three distinct parts of the holy trinity

When were nothing less than infinity

an eternity of love

a soul mate

a play date

a sibling when blood meshed thumb to thumb

when we were best

the knitted nest

the tie to vest

Now it is a longingly gone dry

a sad goodbye

a memory of desserted knowledge

Now just a story that begins

“This one time in college”

Love does not die

so why did we

the interaction

now just simple subtraction

there is a you without me

a divided we

a new part to you whole

our present a future past

a gasp, a ghastly silence

we were not literary

but an exact science

proven and hypthosized

Just when I realized that some heartbreaks

never die

the kind that doesn’t begin with carresses and obsessions of will they, who me

will she, but the kind that begin with us, you and me

so innocently

humbly

the days of the young in me that

is still living with all those memories you are apart

just a dart landed in at the bull eyes

Still wonder how and questions still end in why?

Yet the facebook is on my shoulder tweeting

and I am happy that I am apart of this social networking

for it networked me right back to you

so that I can piece together your present

now that our hello’s are hesitant

and the days no longer shared

for days lost

the cost

my end

my friend

my half of whole

my gaping hole

is left unfilled

others come and consume

but none ever you

known ever the five pieces of my youth

None to ever know completely my truth

cuz u have the proof

she has the proof

they have the truth to my youth

When we were girls

sitting up nghts

plaid uniformed skirts

lips pursed

phones hidden

hearts smitten with time

boys we called fine

and when my my heart didn’t seem to break so easily

when we defied the logistics of personality

and the true bond was the commonality that love was an acceptance

a forgiveness so bold

it was tangible. something to hold

never alone was I

you all were there

when life didn’t seem fair

we would share outside on dark patios

experimenting with the dark arts and holding on to each other

blowing tree’s, screaming lyrics from another

When we were girls

we didn’t know these women wouldn’t be sitting so far away

Didn’t know today would lend us seperately

or did we know but it ignored it with love and held on for as long

as the time permit

Life has a funny way of teaching doesn’t it

When we were girls

and things seemed hard

when we seemed fearless to scream let it ride no matter the hand dealt, no matter the card

brave, and loud

girls running lost

what women found

Miss those days of being a girl

Miss those days of you being my first call

Miss knowing that you will be there after all

or maybe I still do

I keep saying thank you

For being a part of me

You are apart of the root, not a leave, or even a branch

You are a the core of my tree, without you past and present

I wouldn’t be me

 

 

1 Comment

Filed under a rant of love, women, Written Emotion

This Love Inspires Me

You are living inside of the closeted places of my mind that preserve the honesty of our meeting

in those places these memories, these thoughts of you can live

Left to the device of me, I would remove you from the bin in which I recycled your beauty

My mind I feel most days has betrayed me, left me to feel everything that I have told my reflection

I could dull with the days building between our last embrace, the last taste

of the man you are

Yet the distance whether near or far

makes nothing of the love I feel simmer into the burnt ash of pain that seems to burn away so quickly

the clock will continously change, always ticking

making journies of empty moments to hold on to

yet my heart seems so strong in it’s position

The true definition

of loyalty

this love it inspires the queen in me, the queen to your king

My heart seems to think we live in a castle of emmaculate devotion

she is not detirred by the past

this love is the only thing that seems to last

in the constant movement of my being

every song heard whispers your name

always the same

You love another, and my heart knows

yet she still beats for you

I tired of fighting

Tired of looking for reasons to hate you

when it’s not you, sometimes the things you do but never enough

to leave you in the book of memories

No my heart is marked by the touch of your tenderness

the emotional words of poets long since

marked epic

are breathing as your tongue and lips give them life

and it’s like we are still laying. holding and saving the things we were once to afriad to reveal

the hard exterior you use as defense

the quick chatter of my tonque hoping to mask the nearvous energy daring to jump to my

active understanding

You, even the simplicity of a thought,  inspires me and the love beats louder so it seems.

I am in awe of this love that exist halfway to you, and half away from me.

This love that has it’s own heartbeat

Connecting us our miles, and pain

without desire to  gain

without expectation

without need or want

it just is and smiles

even when we can not

our love that we don’t acknowledge

our love, this newborn light,  a miracle we

continue to deny

This love inspires me

for it’s strong

denies foolish things like fear

and exudes a faith

that has created a new belief in me

the kind that says it’s possible to love

without the condition of selfish interest

Our mouths wish each other well

and even make that promise of never being more than a call away

the games the mind will play

when the heart can’t be moved

can’t be sold a dream

when the reality is the truth of love

This love that still breathes

when the oxygen it needs seems to be exhausted

Adapting to it’s new atmosphere

when our actions have been left to avengeing the felonies of emotional misconduct

This love never makes judgements of life sentences of prision

This love judges us not by the color of hestiation

yet by the content of it’s destination

loving and remaining as God would do

we are prodigal children of our own hearts

leaving them in pursuit of pastures that we are blind to

for lies  our minds tell when the expectations are not met

when we are not brave enough to forgive

this love forgives us until we forgive the reflection

never waiting in vain

This love inspires me to be free

bold, and daring

to defy the logic of scientific and calculated thought

This love is feeding me. nuturing the growth of evolving

beyond mistakes of the yesteredays we replay as reminders to excuse

the sin of ignoring

This love that has built a duplex at the core of our hearts

I feel it beating and working on the future gateways and bridges to

allow us the single door

This love is brave, and courageous

It inspries me to forget what the others have done

Inspires me to love with kindness,

This loves inspires me to see the things I before

could not accept

and open my eyes to questions

I didn’t need to ask

This love is no executioner or guard to the staginant of pain defense memory

This love  preaches and lives for faith

This love has inspired me to change

To see beyond the conformity to defending the heart

This learned art of forgiving but never forgetting

This love is showing me that the heart is a muscle

and with the right rehabilation will again be a productive member of my society

If i trust it will heal and forget

If I don’t continue to misuse it strength and submit to it’s vulnerability

It will beat for me

This love inspries me to not be ashamed of the fact that it exist

regardless of the conditions

It lives and is growing, will not abandon me for convience

This love inspired me to believe in it..

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Written Emotion

A Marriage of Us and the Denial of Me

So many days I look to the pictures in perfect position in the foyer of our imperfection

I see a dolled version of myself vowing me to a commitment annoited misunderstanding

I left the first love I knew, for a love that embodied us, yet continues to only produces conversations of you

If marriage is a combination of us, for a family of one, a unified front of the perspective of our desires

then why do I feel cold at the face of the fire

why does the blame reside in the the things only I seem to lack

So dutifully sitting at your side,

So many days with self blinded eyes,

I see ,consequence and denial, the place you reside

You have began to drain the emotion from the devotion I sacrificed myself to show

bleeding the energy of us

Your wounds, the distaste, disgrace

of your own face

the reflection of me, has now become the reaction of your self loathing

a designed negativity that was the obscene revealing that without me their is no you

when I left me to complete the void, that had been born and nurtured by your lack of conviction to the institution of self

I was born of love, nurtured in eyes of imperfect love that so perfectly molded my definition of what it is to love so

confidently, no Oedipus Rex at the edge of demands, no hand to add fear to commands

Seemingly have grown in reverse. Have settled for a passion of the flesh

instead of a yoke equally provoked by connection

if I would have taken the time to inspect the point at which we intersected I would  have looked to the calls of God

How he warned me that no should be the response

I am at the helm of firey pits of neglect. I no longer want to be penetrated by my own knife. Lacerating my needs to

treat the wounds of your denial. Let me go. with love and for once look to my heart and see the stains of the blood you

drawn with your hate, the shots from the pistols of you insinuation.

The pregnant silences of love that were never the corner stone of this union have

now become the bitter taste of pity on my lips, the quiet resentment that was adopted when the children of love could not be labored from a bond of unity

we have never been a we, merely the result of you plus the idea of woman that you cast with the likes of me

for I seem to be the stranger that is in this house, foreign to my eyes, the image that stares back seems to be a clone, a stepford wife dolled and designed as wife

I earned and shall one day have the title of queen. the equality of a real man, adorned in his sincerity, wrapped in his physical masculinity

my friends have become memories, my memories just headstones in the grave yard of my past freedom to be me.

I will not die in the welding grasp of your arms

lose my favor in the pursuit of your religious doctrine of control.

My spirit is calling out to me

asking me to once again find the motivation, the fight, the moxy of my intelligence.

You killed the endless definitive gestures of my individuality,

it’s at this moment that I stared to you knelling, bowing, praising your Frankeinstein

Upon that lifted stand, idolized was a spitting image of my earthly dwelling. She so much as I use to see, wearing my face, my clothes, yet empty

a soulless lost entity…

you have stolen the light from me

standing outside my grasp

I want to go home to the face that got me here.

want to find the woman that would have never been enslaved by the need of a man’s embrace, to build a home without love, the woman who loved before and quietly just wanted to be someone that could be the mother who cared.

The bound copy of me sits somewhere in the library of this life and I want to dust the jakcet with a bare and unburdened left hand.

want to silently anull my thoughts and divorce my decision to stop breathing for me.

Born from the rib of humanity… the hu man love that is a miracle to this soil.

the inspiration of love, lives in the woman I was, not the woman I have become today.

Shame burns my flesh, and disdain causes the endless storms of rain to cascade to the cleft of my change

How did I allow this marriage of us to be the denial of me

When did l lose the case and instead accept the deal drawn to the defense of you.

release my pain, slay the demons of your heart, so that I may see me.

If love lived here in this home, you would see the sombering dull light in my eyes

you would ask, instead of repeat me, you would understand when I say, ” I must do this for me”

You would  embrace the love that lead me here,

you would see that same love that is just now a disquise for the fear

that blinds the road of light that leads down a path that enables me to leave

to once again believe in the power that started with me.

How could you love me when I have fallen out of love with the woman you claim

to love. She is no longer there or did you never love who lived inside of the shell.

The brown eyes that melt you

the vivacious storm that pulsates with the rhythmn of beat, and walks on small romantic feet

the woman you once labeled more beautiful than sweet

If I could track down the beginning… the day we meet, the first time the words of sincere emotion left full lips

the first time I allowed those large hands to grasp my hips

If I could restore us from that time, I would

Back to the future when our past was not tainted by false revelation

this destination has been met,

this end has already begun.

It began the day you admitted the application you submitted for husband was do to insecurity

The denial of another, being the man

that held my hand

the faces of my past began to appear in the way of my present

when the discernment of my friends

calculated the bankrupt divends of your intentions

The woman I was, loved you then

I was never a prize to win

I was more than the equvocation

of your validation

Now I whimper in pain

and shake in the cold of your eyes

when the answers

don’t match your key

when I continue to fail

the class of your perfection

you have created the person you loathe

with a voice that mimics mine

your self loathing transformed

the contract of our union

the will and testament of a love,

just a sacrifice of a conquered soul

Still with me at your side you don’t feel whole.

Did the torture of my Character, the assasination of my faith

the theft of my belief

Did it fulfill the terms of your agreement for the love of you,

that you could not seem to find.

Did my supply meet your demand?

The shackles of your self motivated promises have been broken and abandoned by the renewed faith in me.

This journey to the core of my existence was difficult with the awkward process of growing

Yet the benefit of that learning to love the flaws in my perfection

was the shield, the armor, the cannons of fire that allows me to once again defeat those who trepass against me

Even those cloaked in love of the wolfs closet.

This sheep is apart of a flock never left unattended, the path back to the kingdom of my worth

Is lit with the love of myself and I am prodigal no more, this marriage of us, did not and will not kill me

I don’t need you to release me

the moment the choice was me

I was free…

Leave a comment

Filed under The World, Written Emotion