I see you as eyelids touch full cheeks, your face pecan Browning e it against flawless skin, a man of African American lineage made just for me, the tattooed story of your experience hidden by shirts by day, exposed in the dark night to my finger tips, a voice of cool resolve and baritone enticing and assured. Educated by books convicted by experience. A heart large ready to. embrace the passion of the love I have within, no judgment in soulful brown eyes. Your imperfections beautiful. In love with God, you believe in the spirituality of living, the goal of a human soul. Can lead with love, can disagree with grace and emotional honesty, vulnerability doesn’t frighten you, trust leads the line of the things that binds a man to his half. A team is how you approach marriage, ambitious, yet still willing to touch new ground. Fear is nothing more than acknowledging that faith is needed. The mistakes of my past just parts of who I become, total acceptance in those sexy eyes. I dream you real, I dream you of my wants. You hold me in a bed made for two where there are no boundaries on the things we share. Our connection intercepts pain, trust blankets US, protecting us from the devils seeds of jealousy and fearful mistrust. Nothing plant in our garden as we plant beauty of the fruit of spirit, the chains of live that link us to blessing… starting with kindness, then patience, the fore sight of forgiveness, honesty. Our bodies live in the touch of hands, sharing emotion through the elements of attraction. A life of sharing, a life of Ssupport. You back ideas that further my professional goals, read my words, watch me dance, I sit while you work, cheer you on, celebrating each goal you surpass. You fears are whispered in our sanctuary and my bosom lays for you to rebuild your strength. I pick up where you leave off. I offer my body for you to crawl into when the world seeks to threaten what you have built. I am your shelter. In our home you Are the king. Your kingdom your greatest accomplishment. I dream you with an identity. A life with true characters, supporting and leading. I dream you of all the things a man for me would fit perfectly… accepting. Kind, sexy, humble, creative, loyal, passionate, accomplished , able to help me reach the goals I have for me, the writing, the degree, the desire to touch lived, take care of family, enjoy friends, be in love like living is breathing each moment slowly…. I dream you in the vision I see. I dream with purpose. I dream you!
Category Archives: The Me Files
You all broke my heart.
Tore me from my hope
Demolished the road paved to my dreams
Took the road of catered pain
Whether the rain
With the storms I could see
Instead of the serpents disguised
to look like love
Took the dark and unsure roads of risk
The ways of walking you taught
painted gold and shiny things were not the beautiful of rare gems
U glittered like gold
Just painted in acrylic with a dusted shine
Paying the fine
For crimes committed before my time
Deserted me, averted me
Perverted my sense of self
No love holds my heart
No jewels valued
She is my heart
Something I can feel
I Know love, my true gift, nothing more than a valuable curse
Heart em blazed scattered among infinity
a universe crying it’s empathy
It’s pity died with mine.
It’s gone and so am I
Today we celebrate my last breath
In moments dedicated to righting my wrongs
The death of my love
I thought it would cling
Constant song of that ring
Of my need
To show you I care
Its to late
Kick me to the wolves.
Knock me down
Your suggested crown
Don’t symbolize “royal”
On your team
I am loyal
To me.. Giving all this love, all this good in my heart to God. Going to live the life that shadows the sun you burn in.. I choose the night where I can see what lurks before me.
Your blows left wounds that have pierced my purity.
Took away my trust..
Was already alone
Now I can stop pretending not to be..
Like roads don’t have two directions in which tread.
diseased by love abused,
vacant and traumatized.
Lost life to fantasize for tree’s flowers and you welcoming me home.
life is bitter with lessons told.. And dreams sold
in the mirror I see you,
their in the slant of my eyes
at your featured cleft copied to my chin
Can’t escape the you that’s is the beginning to my core
can’t take away from the four
identifying marks that label me yours
you aversion to love, you abuse of truth
I can’t escape which I was dervived of
Can’t erase what I arrived from
All of it a part of me
even the dark dingy parts that make me want to resists myself
violently, denying any parts of you reside within
as much as I want to use the word hate to combat the lack of love shown
with each hurt feeling bruise of your lack of action , I have grown
I know I can’t change you but use you as a propelled in flesh example of what not to be
you see even in the pain, wet from tears pouring like rain
those portals of rain became the chain of links that left me with truth
disappointment of desire to have arms circled around my misunderstanding
taught the lesson that even those issued jobs of caring won’t care if God is not present in their intent
to some extinct
the sadness has become pity
A sentence of infinity deadbolt locked to life, here in this hell fell beyond heaven
left to atmospheric us humans inside deep the soul lives
I know this life is to come to a close at some point
i feel the truth of humanity, the gift of this human suit made of leather repairing skin
which is done right one time will show that its all about appreaciation
appreciating the bad days along with the good
Your home as gritty as ghetto’s with shot soaring through the quiet nights
My hood no different, just without the sadness of others the binding of brothers by gangs
no rising brotherhood connecting me to sentimentality of feeling no my hood was small, just two you and I
as i began down the path of streets beat to avoid your face
my never dying disgrace to you lips
your taste for me had me stripped fom the seasoned food of my truth
Soon I would find out that your hood, your dynasty of control
was trully hood… it was a exit exam for elementary thought and enabled mind
so many of peers owned.. yes it was a hood of divinity and it expelled the weak and ignorant and built intelligent sympathetic warriors see Hood.. Was Heaven’s opportunity for me offerinig definitive characterstics.
A suburbian home of midlife love comfortable and daily the same
does not build believers of fight
Believers in the right of the common good
I did grow hurt and I did deter from the roads that others will call right
yet warriors training gladiators don’t come from homes of lies so perfect they feel like truth
with perfect youth tales all surface no lessons of shame, or eyes of change
A later in life successors comes fom the experience of life unpopular by popular belief
if smiles were not made to be appreaciated from previously understated or underrated
melodic sighs of relief
that I would be just a spoiled doll girl like so many peers still lost in the formindable years when me was all that could be heard fom their wanting lips
Those girls who played with the rounded grounds of attraction, firm booties, high titties and the ability to just get without work
So I must say thank you for your damaging ways, selfish days never producing conversations of my little lady warnings
the exception is “don’t be like me regretting babies wishing i was some other place other than here
The direct consequence is my eloquence,
my heartbeat strong, my fear only a motivation
my denying of mediocrity , my journey on a road to beliefs untaught by your presence inbred by your absentee parenting
Now I look over at my paiin and it seems so lame in compariion to what it is your feeling or hiding.This time I must admit
not so different fom you so confused and immersed in me
With the revision of faith and the appearence of belief, the admission of guilt
the action of accountability
My path now changed taking roads chosen by instinct, lesson learned consequence simple
when roads of right. treated quoted to our young learning, one of the few truth from that
basic instructions before leaving earth booklet,
some learned before idea is first person, the bible
use it, to conform, read it for summation noy literal be valued for lesson as seen in, experienced shared i
this statement earned number lesson, how you retrieve the most abundant of blessings
treat those who your connection in all things as you have to you
powerful, but simple in its explanation no need for interruption
no belief, no movement, no revolution will differ in it’s exploration or delivery
it simply knows nothing of experience or sensation
for those not with words so pretty, it’s easy no detail
not doing what I don’t want relayed to me
Its alot heavy yet,
Yet, so easy to carry,
Unlike that wrong which was lite, difficult to carry
infectious consequences side effect crippling
Manipulating the mind,
Deliberate retreats to sell illusions, graphic delusions,
I resist this I won’t apply, your inability to to look outside I
Yet, me the I inside is the only 3Ye used to see, speak, or feel,
I do not have to apply those learned behaviors
Instead, ideal earned by nurturing the difference I see
So I click back, Undo, the application permissions,
hating me for hating the you in me
i forgive my reflection for it’s likeness to you
yet if I forget to trust that raw inner feeling
test ahead for faith, notification
I find the beauty of letting go and letting GOd.
He made me of you so I could take care of you
so I might as well take the express train to acceptance
your never going to change
That story is gone so old , its time to start a new book, a new story
a new page
Without you were would I be,
I think you may complete me
Interpret and translate my incoherent thoughts when my words are few
If I ask you to love me more
The only one who could
Able to weather my changes
Your love is not inconsistent
Don’t retreat when my life is airing in the prime time slot
Always tuning in to see
If I need my theme song, to be repeated back
You help me keep my mind on track
You extend your hand in my transitions
welcoming my growth and changes
When my mind is cloudy my actions out of line
you help me to rearrange the pages
When I need to vacate the memory of myself
You let me explore, yet you never are to far
You have set the bar on loving me
you do it so stupendously
through our friendship, I know the type of love to expect
a bond that uses words like forever and never efortlessly
bordering on cocky,
that even if things in life are rocky
Decisions and truth leave us salty
Still you exude loyalty
After so many obstacles of dramatic proportions
on my side of this team
It’s time I watch the line up Monday’s nights when you come on
These scenes, pages and screenings of your life are coming hard and fast
Testing your courage, strength and faith
Leaving you to warfar of the heart, leaving trails of fear. yet I can say it won’t last
I will not mislead you into an easy transition when your heart feels the daggers of wounds to your heart
Yet I will do my part
In reminding you of your worth, how smart
you are, beautiful and kind
with statement made for the clans of girlfriends, “The Maya to My Joan”
“Girl he is crazy, lost his mind, the man must be blind”, leave the court jester
and let us, find ourselves some kings and sit on this throne
Tears my still flow in heavy streams
make you feel as though you have been ripped at the seams
the very core holding you together
that’s why you get a best friend who can be forever
so we can use never in the terms of pain
the rainbow will come after this diastrious rain
The depth and severity of this lesson, I can’t change
Yet I am not powerless
I can tell withyou 100 percent assurance that you have
Me, built to be this friend
Aiding in mending the heart that is brusised
we do not break, never broken
No one will hold the token
Of taking your power
Can never ascend our tower of self worth
this is our turf the heart
At the finish and at the start, we will leave victorious
sheep with a well knit flock
this doesn’t stop the clock
we keep throwing blows
to those who try to fight unfairly
selfishly or with an intent to misuse or abuse
that would be lighting a fuse to the destruction the opposing army
We go all in to protect
no suspect, behavior will we accept
I am here endlessly
I don’t tire of your venting
my arm will not go numb in support
my ear death to your hurt
my mind dumb to your need
to have a place to cry
here you are not weak
your tears symbols of your bravery
freeing your self from the shackles of emotional slavery
Here the judgement of love does not live
the truth injected with the needles of love
no pinch, no post injected itch
Here you are seen in high acclaim
My heart is fit for the fight
any time day or night
Your light is here waiting for you to lead you to the end of this road
set your pace,
a journey, not a race
don’t forget who you are
Find those things you lost in this fire
hold on to the desire of love, never resent
Every smile, lesson learned is heaven sent
Even if it holds pain
It’s not the rain
we remember, the rainbow will appear
the wounds will heal
COntinue to feel
I will keep the pounds of lost a bay
Start each day
With the affirmation
that you can will start another scene
For the finale of this season
Choose a new cast
The past doesn’t last
I stood at your side when it all began
and as it ends, I will be there again
Men always come, and most will go
That we know
Yet a friend signs contracts that have no date to end
Staying when the party has stopped, holding your hand
For life is not always as we plan
I will lift you up
refill your cup
with tea in the morning
and glasses of vodka on the rocks at night
just so you see fun still exist
and of course the life you have built will be missed…
Yet we will not live on negative, that class is dimissed
The time limit for sad days
will be few
Anything born and rooted in misunderstanding
can not grow
a man to demanding
even in anger must go
You deserve to shine
Believe me, you will be more than fine
You exude the beauty
radiating from the inside
You are a model of living life for the right
I have admired your caring spirit
forgiving heart and open mind.
This will not define you
This will not stiffle your growth or steal your dreams,
Left blind, be blind only to the belief that change is bad
For an open heart, faith and love is all we had or have
Scream loud in empty rooms
Curse the days that try to steal your smile
If you have to, deny the world a while
Real love first must start with you
You are going to see a happiness that will shine so bright you will light
darken hearts, allowing love to find you open to the kind of love that feels complete
The man that takes your breath away
Don’t be afraid to move on
And if the memory of that past love never fades
Pray and be a fool for love…..
Either way you are more than my friend, your my heart
And I need my heart to keep beating
I promise to keep beating to
From your friend with love.
The actions of my past can not be rewritten, or edited for a digital remaster that can be viewed as a memory.
Your tape of us is no more than I can view as it can’t be dictated in commentary of the past as you see it.
My actions can’t be viewed and explained by just the reaction,
the consequence as well as how it was dealt when the impact of feeling was applied and those latent days can nor be denied as if they were not applied to that which was the present and now the future has been met.
Yet the judgement of those mistakes have been tried and documented as the past vs the present and while you get to refer to the judge, who is shown as you.
I am at the mercy of the court for I am still a defendent. Still at the point of guilty for innocence is at your discretion and as much as the woman in me wants to understand and be brave enough to help you to see the vision of forgiveness.
I must not lead any witness as I stand in arguments for myself, this court has NO true litigators.
Yet as the prosecuting side of this love’s judge and jury, I find that we have not prayed, and not fell to our knees in a humbling stance of understanding not just to God.
No we must humble ourselves to the eyes of the one that we allowed ourselves to be naked to, seeing flaws and imperfections with trust.
The pedestal in which I occupied at the days of beginning tells me that the judge is present here for the humanity of us, for this was just a speculation of love that is just infatuation.
The difference in me from the last, means not that I am AlSO not a victim to a past, for it was how at first I looked at you, with eyes of settling out for just good.
These hearts not vastly different from a gang bangers hood, violating the rules of the land outside the vision accepted,
understanding less than objective,
fear leveled at high but disguised as defense
, when bravery is the journey outside of what can not be pre-determined or trusted,
trust is an earned income from the fiends of emotional connectivity.
We are inside the doors of comfort and reliable distance of pain resistance.
Can’t live in this small area of love for sure to not go sour,
the days to short and in the present pass like hours, sometimes even minutes.
Must be willing to be a warrior for the enchanted the passionate the unseen, and exceptional,
my infraction not intentional.
Yet the severity is not at the level of a felony, it was an old melody that caused me to react in a way of the not in total sincere,
I still some days operate in fear,
the devil has done his bidding and succeeding in his quest, allowed the expectation to create a test,
that could not be passed without the luxury of time and time spent,
so it would appear as if the woman you met, has taken a quick left and abandoned the connection,
yet if under greater inspection…
you take the time to look…
the things you loved, the way I cook, the way I speak, the loyalty and attention to detail, are things of me you with open eyes so easy see,
is still the woman who shared the good not yet time for the bad.
It does not negate the times had and the bond created, the one we share,
yet the expectation you held that after so little time I allude is just not fair.
We might have been a great pair, yet the gamble was a short sale bet and the odds fair out of reach..
so we must label this a lesson to teach, instead of a breach to the truth shared
, or the last of whom you compared.
If we have the faith to forgive and the love to embrace,
so many times love we would not chase.
It is not my place or in my character to beg, my ego is full of pride, and if I had the courage to confide,
why did not have the strength to understand, or the self control to demand something of me in which I must demand of myself.
I appreciate the passion in which you believe.
Yet I meant not to deceive the impression made of me on your heart.
Yet in the willingness of this court to impart this judgement of me,
the heart can not be judged at the court of humanity, it would be insanity, to prove the intention of my action.
No witness could explain the drive, the desire, the fire, the control.
I require an impartial judge and the only one in court today is you.
You as the prosecution and the judge as well as the jury,
leaves me at a no end, no win, no true trial that would be fair, no one with objective ears to not just listen, yet hear.
our heart is not yet committed to truly read over the evidence submitted,
no glove to fit and acquit.
No DNA to test and match, no extension to be granted.
So instead I must declare this a mistrial.