Category Archives: The L Word

Dream You

I see you as eyelids touch full cheeks, your face pecan Browning e it against flawless skin, a man of African American lineage made just for me, the tattooed story of your experience hidden by shirts by day, exposed in the dark night to my finger tips, a voice of cool resolve and baritone enticing and assured. Educated by books convicted by experience. A heart large ready to. embrace the passion of the love I have within, no judgment in soulful brown eyes. Your imperfections beautiful. In love with God, you believe in the spirituality of living, the goal of a human soul. Can lead with love, can disagree with grace and emotional honesty, vulnerability doesn’t frighten you, trust leads the line of the things that binds a man to his half. A team is how you approach marriage, ambitious, yet still willing to touch new ground. Fear is nothing more than acknowledging that faith is needed. The mistakes of my past just parts of who I become, total acceptance in those sexy eyes. I dream you real, I dream you of my wants. You hold me in a bed made for two where there are no boundaries on the things we share. Our connection intercepts pain, trust blankets US, protecting us from the devils seeds of jealousy and fearful mistrust. Nothing plant in our garden as we plant beauty of the fruit of spirit, the chains of live that link us to blessing… starting with kindness, then patience, the fore sight of forgiveness, honesty. Our bodies live in the touch of hands, sharing emotion through the elements of attraction. A life of sharing, a life of Ssupport. You back ideas  that further my professional goals, read my words, watch me dance, I sit while you work, cheer you on, celebrating each goal you surpass. You fears are whispered in our sanctuary and my bosom lays for you to rebuild your strength. I pick up where you leave off. I offer my body for you to crawl into when the world seeks to threaten what you have built. I am your shelter. In our home you Are the king. Your kingdom your greatest accomplishment. I dream you with an identity. A life with true characters, supporting and leading. I dream you of all the things a man for me would fit perfectly… accepting. Kind, sexy, humble, creative, loyal, passionate, accomplished , able to help me reach the goals I have for me, the writing, the degree, the desire to touch lived, take care of family, enjoy friends, be in love like living is breathing each moment slowly…. I dream you in the vision I see. I dream with purpose. I dream you!

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Filed under a rant of love, change, desire, Emotion, evolution, growth, life, love, relationships, The L Word, The Me Files

The First Glimpse

     Are these just my thoughts, is it my beliefs or should it be my judgments that are listed in a rant of  personal experience. These are my first thoughts as I begin this new “possibility for greatness”. So many people have begun to blog; documenting and chronicling their unlimited thoughts and what each defines is oblivious to me. I am at a lost to the true goal of my new possibility and I wonder without a direction how far can I actually travel.  At the exact moment I felt as though I was bamboozled by the content, pretense, subtext or plain ole subject, I just said run with the wind. Just like that “bam”, a “Positive Peyton” had been born and I was on the road to changing the world, one blog at a time. I had begun to ask myself why if the rest of the world could be so arrogant to think the world wants to hear there rants and raves on any subject or situation why not me.
Okay so that is not exactly a true depiction of what actually happened. Okay so it was more like…
                 A Joss Stone compliation was creating euphoric energy by use of my ears, a rapid beating heart was beginning to tear when I thought of the man I shall call my “Urban Prophet” and as the first liquid promises escaped my eyes, I was sure that somehow today was the day I was strong enough to do something different. I was going to be courageous and choose happiness, and this was the second step. The first step was admitting that I had changed, that I had now begun to see the world in a different way. I was now an adult and a chapter in my life had been sealed, signed and delivered to the publishers and I might as well admit that I was ready to complete the transformation to “Spiritually Lead Bad Girl Almost Reformed”.

    Not many years ago I dreamed of being a published writer. I wanted to tell the world stories of fictional love affairs between women. Yes I was speaking from experience and yes I “WAS” a lesbian, okay well that’s what I was calling myself when I was diving between shaved legs and embracing endless episodes of  “The L Word” and kissing full lips that converted me from men to women at least temporarily at first glimpse.

I suppose that and my endless run ins with narcotics, r and B, and devastatingly tempting sexual experiences I deemed myself a “Bad Girl”, oh and the fact that I have for myself created a criminal record that reads… she is only bad enough to get misdemeanor charges.  A true lady rebel I am.

    My desire to write fictional novels of lesbian love began as a sizzling hot idea about a good girl turned lady lover and somehow ended up being kidnapped and as the woman with beautiful lips left my world, so did my desire to finish the book that left me confused. So many hours of writing left in a cold file labeled “Within Dark Hands”. Yet writing still was in my heart and although I have ignored the calling to tell a story, I still dreamed that maybe one day I would be courageous enough to reach higher than he stars and go for a heroic attempt at using my love of words to make a change in my world, and on some level touch the lives of others as well.
     
 Well the desire lead me to write my own story, and believe me it’s not a bad idea, and that idea is in the works. Yet days have gone by and my desire to write has been absent, the only thing present in the corridors  of my mind, the one thing that survives both good and bad days it seems was love. Love survives my thoughts daily and I realized that I needed to release the unspoken pledges of forever I felt for my “Urban Prophet” in the lessons that I have learned in knowing him and applying myself to every new activity, goal or experience. This is the first of collage of hidden glimpses into the entity that is my soul and spirit.

So it seems that love is a  true friend, surprising you with  kind thoughts, moments that are truly miraculous and a new belief in everything. So here we are beginning this new journey.

I will share that I am afraid that I might love documenting the random moments of love and pure wonder I feel almost every day. Is it possible that love can create a life, an income? Is it possible to be an employee for love, working diligently to promote it’s power? When asked for Industry: Can I mark Health and Wellness, For occupation: Love Advocate; Duties: Creating and building more understanding  to the survival, belief and commitment to love in romantic, familial, and professional relationships.

Until the next time
Nya Monea is Duality Defined

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Filed under change, love, Positivity, The L Word