Category Archives: growth

Dream You

I see you as eyelids touch full cheeks, your face pecan Browning e it against flawless skin, a man of African American lineage made just for me, the tattooed story of your experience hidden by shirts by day, exposed in the dark night to my finger tips, a voice of cool resolve and baritone enticing and assured. Educated by books convicted by experience. A heart large ready to. embrace the passion of the love I have within, no judgment in soulful brown eyes. Your imperfections beautiful. In love with God, you believe in the spirituality of living, the goal of a human soul. Can lead with love, can disagree with grace and emotional honesty, vulnerability doesn’t frighten you, trust leads the line of the things that binds a man to his half. A team is how you approach marriage, ambitious, yet still willing to touch new ground. Fear is nothing more than acknowledging that faith is needed. The mistakes of my past just parts of who I become, total acceptance in those sexy eyes. I dream you real, I dream you of my wants. You hold me in a bed made for two where there are no boundaries on the things we share. Our connection intercepts pain, trust blankets US, protecting us from the devils seeds of jealousy and fearful mistrust. Nothing plant in our garden as we plant beauty of the fruit of spirit, the chains of live that link us to blessing… starting with kindness, then patience, the fore sight of forgiveness, honesty. Our bodies live in the touch of hands, sharing emotion through the elements of attraction. A life of sharing, a life of Ssupport. You back ideas  that further my professional goals, read my words, watch me dance, I sit while you work, cheer you on, celebrating each goal you surpass. You fears are whispered in our sanctuary and my bosom lays for you to rebuild your strength. I pick up where you leave off. I offer my body for you to crawl into when the world seeks to threaten what you have built. I am your shelter. In our home you Are the king. Your kingdom your greatest accomplishment. I dream you with an identity. A life with true characters, supporting and leading. I dream you of all the things a man for me would fit perfectly… accepting. Kind, sexy, humble, creative, loyal, passionate, accomplished , able to help me reach the goals I have for me, the writing, the degree, the desire to touch lived, take care of family, enjoy friends, be in love like living is breathing each moment slowly…. I dream you in the vision I see. I dream with purpose. I dream you!

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Filed under a rant of love, change, desire, Emotion, evolution, growth, life, love, relationships, The L Word, The Me Files

Awoken by Your Memory

Sleep finally shuts my eyes, the dreamy sensation of life touches my eyes, when I wake the night deep in daily secret memorizing movement. I am deep in thought. A smile sweet on my lips. Pandora beating through headphones song after song our songs.  Each a memory of the days we spent talking, days we spent learning each other, even hurtful moments that lead us to this, not speaking, not thinking of each other yet I still smile. Have spoken to your origin to your gift to the world but not you. The man who I dream if no longer you, now my mind fictionalized version of the type cb of lover I want to experience. He has a face a name casually drained from a desire of you, yet his qualities all a designed of all what you were to my life. How you ignited so much in my heart. So much in my mind. The love we share is thriving. We didn’t survive it in the form of relationships but we were up rooted from the thoughts of extinction. The dirt you say I pit on you is the lifetime we will end. I know you think of me, even now when I desperately want the phone to ring and it doesn’t. Even when I learn the effects of the illness that you looked on in the beginning telling me my limp was wrong, watching with care and concern to have me do nothing… it was you with a close appraisal of my well being angry octaves in your tone sat me an emergency room. Icy out call you will learn of what has come to be…. but  call rings through, no words from the man who thought ne to see myself through the eyes of worthy. Want to see you know. Want to hear the words of your wisdom. We saw storms in superficial haze of drugged euphoria….. I left those things behind in pursuit of a life you knew I could have. Even imperfect your flaws, your character moved me… our we is defining. Even in my dreams of live with. My ideal man you dwell as the first line of understanding of the kind if woman I am. I need you now. Not to touch the shaded beauty if my sex, not to hold my body against yours but to voice my fears, to do the thing we do, let our hearts release the rain, step IRS storm into the sea of our acceptance complete and UN restricted. In the world you have become a milk carton memory. Removed from family And friends… old live, dear friend my heart searches it’s terrain to send you the message of want, desire for you. Always have known the way your heart beats. I know the curve of your power,  and it’s time to walks. New road…. your welcome here with me, no intent beyond understanding, something God given… prayers leave my lips for you to find your way home!

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Filed under a rant of love, desire, Emotion, growth, Inspiration, life, love

Snooty…my Nephew is 21

Today we celebrate you
And all the beautiful things you do
How you have become the man you are..
Is evidence that with you God definitely set a new bar!
To say your great just wouldn’t be enough
Your bravery, your loyalty, your intelligence, your character
All are the makings of masculine royalty
Nephew of mine, you just have the stuff…
Most men will never have, you are the man, most boys will never come to be
A protector, even as a small boy you protected me
And 13 years your senior…I am the auntie.
Yet that is you a step above the rest always ahead of your time.
A special blessing, one of a kind
To not see it would mean being blind.
This day the final marker to adulthood
Its really just the beginning so I think you have got it good.
Remember to keep a cool head in adversity
Swim in your uniqueness, it’s what sets the tone in owning your diversity
Never compare yourself to the masses
With a brain like yours your a prime candidate for all the right chances
You will be more than great
You naturally have what it takes
To soar high high above the rest
You already have beat the odds in some of life’s greatest test.
In my heart of discernment
The destiny you own will create an environment of riches
As a black man, the devil will tempt you with the wickedness of hustlers, dope runners, and profiling police ditches
I already know the the road you choose will be the one that enables you to grow
Trust your heart when your mind is unsure
Your spirit on first response will always be your cure
The pride I feel for you is more than I can ever say
On this special day
When you were first born at first glance
We shared a beautiful dance
Our smiles in tandem, even when the miles between us are many
Know I love you with a heart of plenty
My handsome and notorious Snooty!!!
Happy 21st birthday!!!!

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Filed under a rant of love, change, destiny, growth, life, love, relationships, Written Emotion

To-Get-Her: A Birthday Gift : My Big Sister Shawishi!!!!!

A poem written for my Sister Shawishi Haynes on her birthday 2-20-20114 (I never did forget I just wanted it to be my Shawishi Brand of Perfect. Accept this gift of my best part of me…. Much love and appreaciation.

You may not even remember the day you taught me a way to remember how to spell together….. Well  I do.. It is the single most influential three minutes  of my childhood.

My gift to you

what better than a piece of the best part of me….

With words I can exceed the mundane…

Words are my rain

They cleanse the mental debris moments

Left dark and turbulent

My air fresh promise ripe to inhale

I ingest each thought

Forgiveness, old pain …. each one, pleasant

Just lesson”s learned

those memories are sunshine and cloud-less skies

So here for you I will let my rain pour heavy and loud in your garden of our history

Bring you into the spring of a life, ripe and new

Days marked by the images grasped by my small and child like hands

Along the long corridors of mind where my childhood dwells I walk a mile

There in many different files resides reflective bound copies of your a smile

Your smile, unique,  piercing, extravagant

The perfect singular tribute to you

Your laugh, that laugh lingers,

draws words to it melody, magnetic, hypnotic

Can detect it’s vibration

It can be heard from distant vantage points

It’s a compass, my way to find you

it always finds you youthful,

In a library, college camps, colored paper, your study group

I sit aside my thoughts, “How pretty learning looks when it’s with you

I ask .. “Why is it purple? Your paper? When everyone else has paper white no colorful hue…

A smile appears… It’s for a class.. History Sec 102..

That is how I see that hazy day,.. learning so big and beautiful,

Colorful

You teach me things

I hear those words many times in my walk along our memories

We are in a backseat, the outside surroundings blurred

“I can’t remember” I say

‘Break it down” is your response

“To”I repeat “Get” You say “Her” We say TOGETHER

TO- GET- HER

Simply Beautiful

Every Day from then on, my brain would never let that one word

Scramble or get lost searching

It was filed in front

even today

As I spell together a smile emerges

on how you actually did “Get Me”

Faithful to your power

Loyal to your cacophony of praises

when others want to dismantle your song

All along

You so different from me

Hard to gauge emotionally

Resilient in YOUR ability to set goals and reach them

You, the epitome of what a BIG Sister  should BE

A model to emulate

A directive to refer to

The actuality of successful reality

Trembling fingers, a stomach of butterflies

I offer these broad shoulders

a place to rest your Burdens

It’s my speciality

My spiritual quest

The ability to hear the heart murmurs

Allow them the platform to scream, loud and free

without the pungent smell of perception, reception  interjection and objection

that rarely embrace or comfort

I offer my rain here, now to cleanse the walls  of your heart

erase the faded notes of thoughts unable to be relayed

Remove the residue that stains lips with words unspoken

Left abandoned to let  loved ones who have come

 vomit their words of pain

Leave the messes of their mistakes at your feet

I know many have left them there in need

I should know.. that’s how I have come to be here.

Now that I have arrived

ALLOW ME to show the tremendous power of extended hand to grasp in need

The power of a mother being what she didn’t quite receive

Allow me to show you, your beauty in the reflection of my rainbow

It shines upon you now as I have let this downpour  puddle

here in this heart emotionally able, without any murmurs

Monolithic is a bond between sisters, a club so exclusive

Reaches beyond memories, beyond experiences of now or tomorrow

So if the murmurs create any space in you hollow

I have the room for your downloads

You need to upload those thoughts losts,

Those words unspoken

or maybe somewhere between all you do,

needs left unmet

and being your little sister’s

Every day, extra-ordinary hero

Let’s GET (to-get-her)

share with you my ability to rain my words into the hearts

that touched me

Tell a world about how

in a backseat, a little girl

Unsure and unable to remember, came to be

A woman that gives the gift of words in a box wrapped with

Beginnings…

Happy Birthday dear sister

who didn’t know how together I realized a dream

Of breaking down words I could spell or remember to build them back up to bring us all together

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Filed under a rant of love, destiny, growth, life, love, The World

HUMANITY………

Hunt me,

Wound me

Taste my humanity

Cut in to me, dissect my flesh

Do your worse to debilitate..

My tenacity, my  innate instinct to survive predators

Feed from the soils of their ruins

Survive the genocide of my family and create community of strangers in common struggle

 

Create endless laws that define crime as opportunity to create belief in anything

Leave my back bare of skin from the lashes of your broken men.

Trained to use brutal force to enforce you hatred laws

 

Create games of survival using guns, knives, broken bottles

Insecurities, poisoned kisses, man-made pain manufactured

weapons of human destruction.

 

Teach my hands to kill

Train me in the art of war

Then become spectator as I kill my allies to win the prize

of another breath….

another heartbeat

Parade my publicized sins as consequence of challenging the governing powers that be..

 

Degrade my individuality,

Manipulate my loyalty

Segregate my body from my soul

Indoctrinate my mind,

Create rules to give  profit to kings of kingdoms

Label it philosophy

Mark hues of skin as mine  enemy

Create wars with

Create war with offensive ideology whispered in the ears of battered hearts

Seeds watered in the disillusioned mind

define treason as  unique liberated thought

murder possibility with laws that kill ideas of better days

Bury hope with the consequence of death

Go ahead, hunt me

This body you created for war

A manipulated mind

Lick my wounds

Taste my humanity

This blood of my sweat…

My tears

 

It’s power is immune to thought

Fed by survival

A thirst for unity, serenity, possibility

Even when this body is weak

It eats

Humanity is emotion,

Feeling..

It grows in despair

Educated by anger

Fueled by pain

Dying…

 

In the jungle alone you die,

Your right

For family

For right

Those survived..the bruised and broken

Will unite and fight

Finding truth in the language of acts of kindness

Display valor of allies

HUMANITY……

 

Gathered in the ducts of my eyes

Pooling quickly

Battled emotion

Demand, stand down

HUMANITY…

Soul begets mind begets heart,

Felt ……,

Truth falls from pools of certainty

Thought, Idea, shared, truth,

HUMANITY!!!!

 

Hungry for Spirit

Thrives in hope

Buried inside

On the backs of strength

Selfless,

Freely Giving

Giving

A hunted- alliance

 

HUMANITY….

Give this Pain to Faith

Fear of death,

Alone, we are already dying…

So come hunt me

As this revolution begins

HUMANITY

Is love..

Love Will Always Out Live Death

 

Without that consequence….

What do you Really  have left?….

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Filed under change, growth, life, The World, Uncategorized

Change

To make change

You can’t just rearrange

documented fact

You must act

Take steps left un-taken in this journey already paved

Steady and slow

Don’t hurry, admission waived

starting again

Says you know where you begin

You must acknowledge what you know

Embrace accountability

Interpret old activity

Apply prerequisite lessons passed

Learned precedent of the past

Watch the signs that mark the moments of vitality

The choices, the surroundings, the actions

Change the retraction of previously printed life written moments

The consequence of then

Is the hidden gift of now

That how

The blueprint to the act

That will rewrite the fact

Those days gone, your back here at the same place

Staring in redemptions face

The gate-keeper to serenity

Map of forgiveness

Complete vulnerability

Humbled repentance

Sacrifice selfish choice

Hear the inner voice of change

Rearrange the old actions

Mold what is learned to what is

Given to rebuild

Honesty, character, and fortitude the gifts of sincerity in the acts of facing the wrongs of the past.

A foundation redefined by growth

Pledge the oath of trust

First to self

Can’t change fact,

Only the act in which you stand

Create new memories

As the journey nears its end , cross roads, signs, obstacles so much like before

Give more

Leave self in the grasp of those left infected

Reveal the scars of regret,  the desire to be forgiven

the cure to what is done is change

You can’t just rearrange

documented fact

You must act

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Filed under a rant of love, change, growth, life, Uncategorized

Let Go of Her, See Me

I am tired

Tired of living in each mistake

Tired of being the reason your eyes roll

Each day, another Risk  I take

to just be the forgiven

To just be seen

Does it make your heart flutter to be mean

to me, to make me see

how wrong I have been

how long ago

when

when will I no longer be a sum of each mistake I made

Will it be the day I have paid

paid it to the game

with my blood split

the ground opened for me all pretty

my body cold, my head at a perfect tilt

Is the day of my no longer the day I will

be given

the gift of being

forgiven

I was driven  in my pain

Promoted with each mistake

To “no good”, “damaged”, “broken”, “Sad tale of possibility lost”

Now that I have retired from the full-time life of  bad decisions

I want to be able to change careers,

face my fears

of responsibility

To arise to my potential

would mean monumental task of expected accountability

Can’t blame it on the alcohol, the party, the man-made euphoria

Have to arrive each time

So let me

Let go of what I did

and appraise what I do

Allow me to be the new

version of me you said was destiny

If I can survive the darkest forest of negativity

I most definitely can deal with living for the responsibility

Of my potential, talents, and gifts

My gears have taken a shift

Now why don’t you

Forgive me for not meeting your expectations

I might give you revelations

that far exceed what you thought I would be

How about you stop looking back

And look at me.

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September 10, 2013 · 1:00 am