Monthly Archives: November 2013

SIster, Friend, & Now Melody’s Ma-Licious

Thanksgiving 14 years ago,… I made my first jaunt to New Orleans, it was the drying cement that culminated our friendship. The day you became more than my friend, but my family and 14 years later on our holiday you have become a mommy.  The last four years have been a stretch of worry, change, adulthood to it’s max. It’s funny but the day I got that text with the positive sign, have worried about you less than ever before in our journey. Melody might just have it better than any song or rhyme that has hit the billboard top slots. I had my moments of sheer panic over the last few years, but when I met the man she shall call Daddy… I found a calm iin my heart for you. I felt that thing I feel when God is telling me that he has got it covered.  The real good stories are coming now… this is the part where you get to one up the generation before, The time you can look back and utilize those.. ” When I have kids…”moments.”

I am no one’s mother..but of this I am sure… your words are just as powerful as your actions. Patience is a virture of relentless attemps at just making it to the next level in Super Mario brothers. my promise to my bestest as she begins this journey of motherhood. I will listen to every “She is so Cute”, ” my baby is a genius” story you can dish out. When she enters the terrible twos I won’t laugh when there is a peanut butter and jelly meltdiown because she won’t eat a thing else. When I am in town…. I will disappear with Mel and Mekaykay for at least a two hr span so you can have the kind of MOmmmy Daddy time that will build your resilence. I will write One Tree Hill Style auntie poems  that remind you that you have the sister girl alliance that won’t lack sincerity, bring you smiles… and rest the worries of the mothers mind. I will sing and dance at birthday parites and even watch Netflix for kids with Kayla when it seems like Babies get all the luck. Welcome to your new life.  You will be just as amazing a mom as you are friend,,,I can finally  say with honesty and sincerity that’s its kinda great that you ditched the best coast for that other coast,,, 

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Change

To make change

You can’t just rearrange

documented fact

You must act

Take steps left un-taken in this journey already paved

Steady and slow

Don’t hurry, admission waived

starting again

Says you know where you begin

You must acknowledge what you know

Embrace accountability

Interpret old activity

Apply prerequisite lessons passed

Learned precedent of the past

Watch the signs that mark the moments of vitality

The choices, the surroundings, the actions

Change the retraction of previously printed life written moments

The consequence of then

Is the hidden gift of now

That how

The blueprint to the act

That will rewrite the fact

Those days gone, your back here at the same place

Staring in redemptions face

The gate-keeper to serenity

Map of forgiveness

Complete vulnerability

Humbled repentance

Sacrifice selfish choice

Hear the inner voice of change

Rearrange the old actions

Mold what is learned to what is

Given to rebuild

Honesty, character, and fortitude the gifts of sincerity in the acts of facing the wrongs of the past.

A foundation redefined by growth

Pledge the oath of trust

First to self

Can’t change fact,

Only the act in which you stand

Create new memories

As the journey nears its end , cross roads, signs, obstacles so much like before

Give more

Leave self in the grasp of those left infected

Reveal the scars of regret,  the desire to be forgiven

the cure to what is done is change

You can’t just rearrange

documented fact

You must act

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What Next?

Knowing what comes next, is a thought that is percieved as if knowing, will in some way keep you from the darkness of life. The disappointment, the lost, the pain, the rejection. If we just know what is going to be, we can somehow make each day full of something possible positive. Hope, faith, belief, we find these cast wrapped around our broken moments, days. The memories are settled into these infinite cast of knowing that with each obstacle left to heal in it’s aftermath will one day mend, and that cast can be removed and the truth of the repaired perception will give us rehabilation. A new route to the already destined destination of our lives. If we only knew what the next maze held, a resting place, a new travelor to connect with,a dragon breathing it’s heat of new pains, a well with new gains. If only I knew what was coming next, I would be able to survive the step to the end. Yet knowing is only a crutch, how many identical steps would we ultimately take… most likely more than a few. Knowing does nothing but make you accountable for being accountable for each choice. In living with the unknown we begin a novice, able to wear the naviety with pride, instead of shame. I have known, I have seen, but didn’t learn. If only I didn’t have to wonder about what was coming next I would be free.. free to live, to learn, to own each choice golden, each choice failed, and each choice of undefined.

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I Don’t Because If I Do

if I think about yesterday
the tears will come
Then I give them life
no matter how long ago they died
the heartbeat is strong
the power they have consuming
Many days and experiences
have led me here to these few moments
free of turbulence
free of savaged faces
yet again I stand alone in these moments
hoping to die beneath the current of
the waves they create within
it’s the sins of past days
of young and naive ways
that brought them here
Smelling the fear lingering in my actions
bellowing in my words
Knowing I am at the moment where
lessons learned
can become merits earned

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