The Energy of Going

There are many points in a persons life that they sit among nothing but memories and Ideas, Goals and realities of who they are and what they are to become. Is it ever to late to start over. Is it ever a time that it’s over. Death is absolute for the body, and those of us who believe… in the possession of the holy spirit in the body of religon, we believe that death is only absolute for our earthly beings.  The energy of going comes directly from this belief that no day is without the opportunity for a better tomorrow. Yet some of us at a point finally realize that it’s all about the resource of our past, and our present that maps the days going forward. Mistakes will guild your life, as though you are nothing more than them. I have seen the darkness that life can include, built inside the delusions of drug use, induced by the alterations of the mind. Then just like that, you realize that who you are is not only about the choices you make but about the chemistry of how you came to be. Soon after if your lucky your realization of the fact that you have no true control over the worse moments of your life that your realize that opportunity for even the best moments.. come from the sum of each choice that you make. The energy of going was stronger months ago, years ago then it is now. My belief in the karma of the good and bad we do is weak in the living of life. There were days when while I wouldn’t hurt anyone else, I found my actions hurt me and I ended those days worried about things like a home, paying my mobile bill. Now months later, making better decisions, choosing to not hurt anyone including myself I find myself in the same position, worried about a home, a job, and paying my mobile bill. That resilience of living for the belief that good begets good, and that bad begets bad has somehow widdled away in the presence of living through the truth, that mostly… what becomes of you… is not only about decisions and actions, its about belief and summations of character. Yet I have no choice the absolute end of my life here on earth doesn’t appear today to be close. However the up hill battle of my life seems to be in clear view. So while my foot which has become nothing more than another heavy bag I carry grows worse and I return home a lesson on the choices not to make, I will keep going even if my energy is wanning,,, Maybe its time I can re-up on belief. Its funny.. leaving home I felt good about myself about my choices, and while the choices helped me to actually begin a journey of a better life, the lost of that better life has left we sweaty under the heat of my non air conditioned home and suddenly it doesn’t feel like the life was better. It fills like it just was.  I will keep going… what other choice do I have. 

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