He is Why I am Who I am Becoming

 

My father died when I was nine years  old and the day we learned of his death A voice inside my head said your daddy is gone, he is dead and not in a tone that makes you feel comfort and acceptance. These people who pour there hearts and souls into these works of passion. I have ignored me for a long time and it was because I was scared and I wasn’t able to just have a little faith and the faith has come and now the work must be completed because i have a show to put on. 

I sometimes have wondered where my talent and overwhelming emotion comes from. I found something in the midst of pictures that i am working to put into a book for my mother. For my mother I found my father/ I have felt him moving with me as I have been on this journey within and while most journey’s we are happy to see the end in, some we fear ending wanting to stay nestled in the cool comfortable confines of discovery but discovery has to move on. It has to hit the application stage or the lesson is in vain. I have learned that I am nothing more than the mule, the employed messenger and as the team leader in my camp over here I must be aware of the responsibility. I might not have cared about failing in the past but I care so much today. I have tired of running, their is no success without trying and I can’t talk about being brave and being courageous and being a fan of fortitude I have decided to be not just a fan but an example of it. 

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That’s my dad and that lil bity cutie is me. My dad was fool of heat and his soul is near helping me to do what he could not do. There is a letter in my little collage there… it was in his final newletter at his funeral and I read it for the first time just a couple days ago. My father had a way with words. I think it was the first time I realized that i am part him and the love I feel for him and the pain that comes in not having him here also built me with great empathy with great emotional understanding. I love words and so did my daddy. Yet my daddy died not knowing how much I loved him because I was not able to tell him and my whole life I have run from all that made me feel truly good… I will not able to complete my first true work without facing my fears… this is step one… facing my fear of seeing…. Exposed…….

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1 Comment

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One response to “He is Why I am Who I am Becoming

  1. Beautiful post! He looks like a spectacular soul and does the itty bitty right next to him! 😉

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