First Vulnerable, Now the argument for the DEFENSE

When did this scene begin, did I not re read the modifications to my script. This is my life. I say who effects me, I say who holds my heart and even as the words escape my lips I know the depth of this part requires I be vulnerable to what I am feeling. As your smile ran from our present, I was showing images of my past, how can I fight this truth you are battling with. You have began to penetrate my soul, have somehow found a way to me, you were saving me from the pain of my hearts last risk. You didn’t even get named. Didn’t audition for the ensemble cast yet now the entire thing revolves around that thing in your brown eyes. I didn’t lie, just a twist, the cliff hanger, guess your thinking… I am glad I didn’t bang her. Glad she didn’t touch me to, so quick to forget the warm heart that opened to you. What words can be transcribed to bring this back to my control. The burden of the expectation set straddles my back, reveals all the things I lack. Now you see, all of me, I hope the other things weigh in your mind and you find that the law was set and yes broken, but this is my flaw and I can give you the token of a once broken heart. If this is the only part that keeps you away, can you keep not talking to me, keep holding my life delicately. Was this just foreshadowing. What have you given my life so quickly, I just want you to keep touching me. I am not in love, not ready to say those words. Don’t take the elevator to lower levels of me, I am more this mistake, it was the wrong risk to take. The turn that turned me around to find that I was already upside down. Already lost to your smile, swimming in the warmth of your brown eyes. This is how I know, that the plans I try to lay, are up to him and what he wants me to attain. It’s not a pain, just the a storm and a little rain. You already move me, already soothe me, already showing me my growth in your youth to find you still can lead. Sometimes I hate this seed of need that was planted inside, I can’t hide from eyes of this, should have known when I coupled your name with ” I miss”, shit now I am on the other side of people to dismiss and we haven’t even shared a kiss. If love forgives then what does like do… If loves says persevere than what does like say. If I just do what I would not have done in the past, could it have last. In the spring of your life, and entering the fall of mine, yet it still feels like this is “our” time. Time to rewrite your entrance, stage left, Kingdom contender, render the intention of your smile, reveal your gift. How many pounds can you lift? How many smiles in comparison to frowns? How many ways can you calm my anger? What is your greatest disappointment? Your most desired goal? All are apart of the test for me to end up half to the best. Love I have already found. I know the sound. How did you get here and you don’t seem as you first appeared.
If you can evoke a smile, maybe I should go that extra mile. Allow faith of my heart, shut down the contradicting banter of my past experience and present trepidation. Then I have to stop and admit you haven’t said you wanted anything to do with it. That thing that could be love. Please, don’t want to see your shoulders shrug. Embrace me, ask me to be something more, open the door to what we could experience. I won’t taint your innocence. Give you what is in me to give, I am ready to live.
Your perception may be the exception. Your eyes the reflection I want to stare into. Want to seal the deal, want to express the real way I feel.
Time for those Usher type Confessions. First my concessions, the pause at the edge of the diving board, before I dive into the unknown. Your age, your seed already sown, your impeccable design of touch, your control, your eyes, just you. You didn’t scare me until you withdrew. I thought I knew, and parts of me did, yet you didn’t bid. Didn’t say the things I need to hear. Now all the good, the shit that makes me want to bang your hood. The way you calm me, listen and embrace my nativity with candor, your quiet approach, your eyes, the power that lies in your action and not your words. The creativity that lives somewhere between me and what you haven’t said. Your values expressed in the careful things you do reveal. Your no nonsense approach to the world. The way I want to see the smile, and the way the way you view me, and how day 10 you have no problem showing me in the fact that.. While I miss you, you still won’t speak. Instead of hurting me, you show me my power.
My confession… Your potential is exceedingly sexy, I would risk my smile to allow you a one way ticket to me. I don’t play.. All the way or not at all. Can we build the bridge to another world? Can we make our own reality? Shit there I go again, as if you asked me to be something more than just another girl in the world we are moving in. Can I ask the direct question? Am I worth suggestion?


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