So, I am in love with this man, and even I don’t believe that you can be in love alone, and this is the intimate glimpse into who I am. It’s the part about me that actually tells the world that he is the reason I want to be a better person, the reason I want to breathe, the reason I believe that I can be a good mother. He demands that I am better, he demands that I live up to the potential in which I was born to thrive and he is so much beauty. Beauty that comes from a place that even I can’t identify more than that of a higher power. He has allowed me to believe in that the kind of love that is beyond reason and understanding.
The funniest thing in the world,is that he does not feel the same things for me. He is so hurt and so blinded by the past that he wouldn’t be able to see me. Today I told him to disappear into the ashes of burned euphoria. That he disappear into a horizon never realized. I am tired of loving him. Tired of not hearing his voice daily, not breathing his understanding and beauty daily. I have tried to be stronger, tired to to better…but I can’t mend the broken man that he has become. Can’t mend the doors to love that he has cememented shut. What of your power Nya Duality? What of that utmost power that you call love. Even I can’t answer that question because even as I say goodbye all I see is hello. I see a morning of promise that is devised and comprised of nothing more than him lending me my smile, breathing in the love he created with another woman to only teach lessons of love that will conqueor what the world can offer. Money, has no barrings on the things that we could accomplish together but i bleed the wounds of dishonesty and discourse from lain moments with women not known to my birth, not known to my beginninging. Women who are curtly not me, and not apart of the love that i feel for him.
Upon the first meeting I had of him, I was not impressed by his looks, not momentarily engaged by the way his head tilts to the side when he is confused. I was quite not impressed with him at all, but the beat of his heart seemed to walk into a intersection and mine seemed to see his and followed and fell into step and our hearts seemed to pump blood into each others body and I was at the second day of our conversation quite sure that I had met the man that I was going to marry. It’s crazy to say these things when the man does not love me, but if I was even a little honest with the world, like I am honest with myself… I believe that to not be true. I feel as tho he loves me just as I love him.
My “Urban Prophet” who can see the world coming toward him, who sees the pain of the world and I swear he was put here to save lives, to change the world and the way they see things… The new voice of religious understanding. He says quite frequently that an angel is someone who has seen hell and does not want to go back, he seems to know the bible by instinct and believes things that the world should understand and live. He is the truth… some days I think I am crazy to believe these things about him, but if you are in his presence you can feel it. It’s not a game, not a joke. He is the truth. He inspires me to write millions of love letters, and not just for me but for the world. Together we are premonition, intuition and thought. Sounds crazy to you I am sure, but I can prove it. Shall I tell the story of he the prophet and me the dual enticed mind. I can probably get a check you all might think I am so crazy. I am in love with this man. He has children, that i love like they are mine and he is the most beautiful part of me. I promise.