Are these just my thoughts, is it my beliefs or should it be my judgments that are listed in a rant of personal experience. These are my first thoughts as I begin this new “possibility for greatness”. So many people have begun to blog; documenting and chronicling their unlimited thoughts and what each defines is oblivious to me. I am at a lost to the true goal of my new possibility and I wonder without a direction how far can I actually travel. At the exact moment I felt as though I was bamboozled by the content, pretense, subtext or plain ole subject, I just said run with the wind. Just like that “bam”, a “Positive Peyton” had been born and I was on the road to changing the world, one blog at a time. I had begun to ask myself why if the rest of the world could be so arrogant to think the world wants to hear there rants and raves on any subject or situation why not me.
Okay so that is not exactly a true depiction of what actually happened. Okay so it was more like…
A Joss Stone compliation was creating euphoric energy by use of my ears, a rapid beating heart was beginning to tear when I thought of the man I shall call my “Urban Prophet” and as the first liquid promises escaped my eyes, I was sure that somehow today was the day I was strong enough to do something different. I was going to be courageous and choose happiness, and this was the second step. The first step was admitting that I had changed, that I had now begun to see the world in a different way. I was now an adult and a chapter in my life had been sealed, signed and delivered to the publishers and I might as well admit that I was ready to complete the transformation to “Spiritually Lead Bad Girl Almost Reformed”.
Not many years ago I dreamed of being a published writer. I wanted to tell the world stories of fictional love affairs between women. Yes I was speaking from experience and yes I “WAS” a lesbian, okay well that’s what I was calling myself when I was diving between shaved legs and embracing endless episodes of “The L Word” and kissing full lips that converted me from men to women at least temporarily at first glimpse.
I suppose that and my endless run ins with narcotics, r and B, and devastatingly tempting sexual experiences I deemed myself a “Bad Girl”, oh and the fact that I have for myself created a criminal record that reads… she is only bad enough to get misdemeanor charges. A true lady rebel I am.
My desire to write fictional novels of lesbian love began as a sizzling hot idea about a good girl turned lady lover and somehow ended up being kidnapped and as the woman with beautiful lips left my world, so did my desire to finish the book that left me confused. So many hours of writing left in a cold file labeled “Within Dark Hands”. Yet writing still was in my heart and although I have ignored the calling to tell a story, I still dreamed that maybe one day I would be courageous enough to reach higher than he stars and go for a heroic attempt at using my love of words to make a change in my world, and on some level touch the lives of others as well.
Well the desire lead me to write my own story, and believe me it’s not a bad idea, and that idea is in the works. Yet days have gone by and my desire to write has been absent, the only thing present in the corridors of my mind, the one thing that survives both good and bad days it seems was love. Love survives my thoughts daily and I realized that I needed to release the unspoken pledges of forever I felt for my “Urban Prophet” in the lessons that I have learned in knowing him and applying myself to every new activity, goal or experience. This is the first of collage of hidden glimpses into the entity that is my soul and spirit.
So it seems that love is a true friend, surprising you with kind thoughts, moments that are truly miraculous and a new belief in everything. So here we are beginning this new journey.
I will share that I am afraid that I might love documenting the random moments of love and pure wonder I feel almost every day. Is it possible that love can create a life, an income? Is it possible to be an employee for love, working diligently to promote it’s power? When asked for Industry: Can I mark Health and Wellness, For occupation: Love Advocate; Duties: Creating and building more understanding to the survival, belief and commitment to love in romantic, familial, and professional relationships.
Until the next time
Nya Monea is Duality Defined